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Tonight at Encounter our theme was "Dating and Singleness." The large group team chose to have Daniel and Amy come and speak. I was soo happy to hear it because of course, they're my good friends and I've loved when Daniel has spoke before. He's a really good teacher. Anyways, I was really excited that they were going to tag team it and I was interested in what they had to say about dating, and especially singleness.
They did such a good job and I was really challenged with the talk. I have some relationships that just need to stop, right now. They're definitely not good for me and God is definitely not in the center of most of them. Amy and Daniel chose a really interesting passage to kind of based their talk on...Habukkuk 1.2-3
How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen! "Violence is everywhere!" I cry, but you do not come to save. Must I forever see these evil deeds? Why must I watch all this mistery? Wherever I look, I see destruction and violence. I am surrounded by people who love to argue and fight.
They started off by listing some things that singles question God about, like "Are my expectations too high?" "Will I ever get married?" and then questions like Habukkuk asked, "How long do I have to wait (till I get married)?" and "Why don't you answer my prayers?" And in true GOD form, he answers in Habukkuk 1.5
The Lord replied, "Look around at the nations; look and be amazed! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it.
God is working in me and I wouldn't even believe him if he told me about it. He's preparing the man he wants me to be with and I need to just look around and BE AMAZED!
They also gave us some steps in how to be purposefully single
1. Get real with God. -express myself, listen, expect God to act and wait patiently.
2. Get a life. -In Matt. 10.39 it says, "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." Once you give up your life for Jesus then he's going to be the one in control! So, give it over to him.
3. Get involved- be a part of a strong community of believers who will help you grow closer to Jesus.
And for those dating, have expectations. Your expectations are not too high. The one you want to purposefully date, has to have had purposefully been single before, they have to know how to get real with God, have a life and be involved in community. And you MUST set BOUNDARIES! Boundaries won't take away temptation but they will helpl us manage it. They used Matt. 5.27-28
"You have heard the commandment that says, 'You must not commit adulter.' But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
So that means that anything that would cause lust in your heart needs to be a boundary that can't be crossed. If kissing is going to lead to making out and making out to sex then you don't need to kiss. I also really thought it was important that Daniel also mentioned that the guy should initiate boundaries. Of course, once he does and once they're established it takes both people in the relationship to hold strong to them but it's important for the man to initiate it because it really does something in the woman's heart to see the man standing up as the leader in the relationship and loving his girlfriend like Jesus loved the church.
I really liked what Daniel said. He admitted that for him it was never a sexual/physical problem that he had in relationships but instead an emotional thing. By the 2nd date he was already planning on getting married to the girl and I was really able to relate to that. It's hard for me to not put my WHOLE heart into it so the next 3 words were really important for me to hear; GUARD YOUR HEART!
Amy used the illustration of being a room full of people and you start in the front of the room with a nice juicy apple, while you're walking to the back of the room people ask for a bite and you give them bites of the apple. But once you're at the back of the room you spot the person you really want to give the apple to but now the beautiful juicy apple is bitten into and only half of what it was. I want to give my whole self to the one that God wants me to be with, not half!
Steps on how to purposefully date:
1. Get centered- Understand your own identity in Christ.
2. Get real with yourself- know your own boundaries.
3. Get involved- be in a community that is holding you accountable and allow yourself to be held accountable.
In application; I need to just stop interacting with a couple of people because it always leads to lust in my heart and with another relationship, I just need to back off and GUARD MY HEART! It's interesting that I really do just pour my whole heart and soul into a relationship when it's just going to hurt me in the end. I know that God made me this way because for the man who really is the one for me, he is going to treasure that about me.
I pray for patience in this though, Father God. Please allow me to wait in your time because your time and will is good, pleasing and perfect and I want that for my life. Please continue to work on my future husband's heart, prepare him for the day we're supposed to meet and protect him from harm. Amen.
