beth0329

It's the end of 5 years of college. School is over. Supposedly I have achieved my B.A. but I've decided not to say I've graduated until it's completely official and I have some important piece of paper saying so in my hands. That's all I'd like to say about that.

And now that school is out I am going to be a pretty busy lady. But, I am glad about that. Busy-ness keeps me out of trouble. Of course, P.H is still going on. Our last day is June 15th so I am going to continue to volunteer at the PCC until then, for sure. So, that'll be Mondays, 2-5pm and Fridays, 7.45-11am and then I think I'm going to serve at ESA twice a week, instead of just once a week, so I'll keep coming Wednesdays and then I think I'll start coming on Thursdays too. That'll leave Monday mornings free, Tuesdays till 6 which is PH meeting time and Friday afternoons. I think that's pretty fair. And it's only another 3 weeks. Crazy that PH is almost over. I am really going to miss this house and living with these people. But, no reminiscing yet. It's not over.

I just finished another book.

Impulse by Ellen Hopkins 666 pages

This book was really good. It's from the same gal that wrote the other two books that I've read. This one is similar to the others in that it's also written in poetry form and it's really neat because it takes 3 people who end up at a psychiatric hospital because they all try to commit suicide in various ways and how they're lives intersect. It's really neat. I liked it.

I am really hoping to get a lot of reading done this summer, but I know I am going to be busy so I don't know why'd I have more time now to read...but we'll see. i am going to try.

Ok, it's bed time.

Blessings

I got another book done. I didn't realize it but Crank was just the first book in a type of series. The writer, Ellen Hopkins is writing from her experiences as a mother of a girl who gets into meth so the book I just finished is more of the story and I'm assuming that the 2 other books written by her are probably along the same lines.

Glass by Ellen Hopkins 681 pages

Lots of stuff has been going on but I don't really know where to start. And I find that I get into funks where I just don't want to have to type it all out. But, let's see. School is slowly coming to an end. We have the rest of this week, next week is dead days and then finals. Kinda crazy. I'm also doing some research into either getting my EMT license this summer or becoming a nurse's aid. I looked into Shasta College (Redding) and both classes are full but I could get onto the waiting list but that seems risky. Next I am going to look into Fresno City College and Modesto JC. And I guess whichever one has openings is where I'll be staying for the summer. But, I just have this inkling that no matter what I'll probably end up back in Modesto...but I would love to go with some certainty of a job. But, we'll see what happens. I've really just decided to let God handle it, He knows what He's doing...Thank Him!

I'm also planning a graduation party at the end of the month. Instead of walking the stage I'm just going to have a get together at my church in Modesto. It'll be from 2-4 on a Saturday so I'm just going to have appetizers and dessert and people can come and go as they please. Nothing formal or anything.

It doesn't look like my dad is coming, although he still hasn't admitted that to me so I'm still holding out some hope. I don't know if I've written all about that, but I don't think I have. Right after Easter my uncle and I talked and he told me that he was going to be the only one who was going to be coming to my grad party. I talked to my dad a few times since then and he hasn't even mentioned the party so I'll be sending him an invitation and we'll see if he talks to me about it. But the Wed. after talking to my uncle I got a good word at my church in Modesto. I won't write down all the details, but I will share the verse that impacted me so:

Isaiah 36.41
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I am going to love my dad until I can't love him anymore, then God will renew my love for him and I will love him even more. On my own strength I can't love my dad. He's let me down many many times. He's continually pushed me out of his life...but God desires soo much more for our relationship and I am excited about the ways God is going to grow me and my dad and I through this. Amen!

Alright, Pink House meeting tonight...on Immigration! 

Blessings!

Today was a weird day.

My mom had to leave our dog Mocha at the pound today. She loves to chew up things and last week before my mom came to visit me here in Fresno my mom had taken a strip of cloth from some fuzzy scarves that she was making and tied a few knots in it to give to our other dog, Shadow. Shadow loves to play tug of war with those things but unfortunately, Mocha loves to chew on them. Actually, she loves to chew on anything. We got them some tennis balls and Mocha would literally chew at the fuzzy stuff on those balls till they were hairless. So, anyways Mocha got a hold of the tug toy my mom gave to Shadow and started chewing on it and ended up literally eating it. I don't really know how that happened or why but she started puking and acting really lethargic. When she came to visit me on Thurs. she was actually a little worried that she'd go home to find a dead dog but when she got home she seemed a little better but she wasn't eating and wasn't really drinking a lot either. I guess in the past couple of days she's even been puking up blood, probably because that fabric was tearing up her intestines. My mom tried all sorts of remedies to get her to puke it all up but nothing was working. I guess my mom was so worried today about her that she left work early and ended up calling some vets. Just a visit and an x-ray was going to cost $200. So, she finally decided (probably after a lot of tears) to take her to the pound to have her put down. They said that their vet is going to take a look at her and if it looks like they can fix whatever is wrong they will but if it doesn't look like they can then they'll put her down. I don't really want to talk anymore about it so if anyone is reading this who talks to me on a consistent bases, especially in person or on the phone please don't ask me about it or talk about it. She was mostly my dog.


Mocha

Anyways, I've got my financial aid all figured out thankfully. I am going to be taking 10 units, that's 3, 3 unit classes and 1, 1 unit class. I only needed 1 3 unit class but then I wouldn't have been able to get financial aid at all so I'm taking a water aerobics class, a women's studies class and an african american studies class, plus the environmental health class I have to take. It shouldn't be too bad, I hope.

Ok, that's enough for now.

I'm waiting for a call from the Senior Helpers place. The lady who interviewed me said that Thursdays are orientation day and I had my interview Tuesday. She said she wanted to call my references and that I should hear back from them by Thursday so I'm assuming that means I'll hear from her today. Let's all pray!!

I'm really depressed today. I checked my grades for the semester :(  They suck. I really should have tried harder. I got a D in one of my major classes and I'm worried I'm going to have to do it again. I don't think you can graduate with a D in one of your major classes :(  But, thankfully it won't be that big of a deal because I thought I was going to take a semester off in the Spring and apply for graduation in the fall. So, I'd "graduate" in December and then walk in May with everyone else but instead if I can't have a D and have to re-do the class then I'll just apply for graduation in Spring and walk in May still. But still I know my mom will be a little disappointed. She's pretty good about not giving me a bad time and actually, I don't think she's ever even asked about my grades until someone else brings it up but I'm mad at myself more than anyone else could be :(  My other grades weren't so good either...except Social Work. I got an A in that class but that's only because I really really loved that class. So, yea. I'm sad.

I'd also like you all to pray for my friend Mark. He's just havin a rough time right now. I don't need to get into it all. God knows what's going on and He knows the plans He has for Mark and his boys. But, I really wish I could do something but that's a little hard from all the way here. So, please pray that I can think of ways to encourage him and be a friend right now. I don't like seeing people down and discouraged and it's even worse when I feel like I'm helpless and can't do anything.

Blessings.

 Okay...so back-tracking a little in this entry...all the way to Friday...before my outburst of upsetted-ness...

I got to go to an Indian concert! Soo GOOD! When I say Indian I mean Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, etc. We have an International student movement through IV on campus. They have different staff and sometimes we get to come together when we go to conferences but they're really their own thing but we were all invited to this concert they planned for their Indian students. The group is called Aradhna and they decided to come early in the afternoon to meet with some christians to talk about how to reach out to Indians. I kinda thought it would only be IV students but instead there were some Indian adults and 1 student and some other folks from different programs around town that reach out specifically to Indians, like giving free English lessons.

Anyways, the group is made up of 2 guys, and then one of their wives. They've all had connections with India, all three living there for long periods of time and their music is from the roots of Indian music, but with christian lyrics. They shared one song with us and then we spent the next hour and a half or so learning about how to love and reach our Indian friends. And I just continue to realize the importance of friendship evangelism. Some people will come to know God because someone asked them if they wanted to know about Jesus but most people are only going to try out Jesus if they see you living it out, as well as talking about it. 

Then that night we all went over to the engineering building and when they first started we didn't have a whole lot of people but by the intermission we had a full house! It was soo good! And at the meeting earlier I made a new friend, she's super sweet, an older lady and she runs an english learning center for Indians, she herself being a convert from Sikhism. So, I hope to get to know her better!

And then on Saturday, Noemi and I took our first bike ride! We rode to the park and back, we went about 26 miles. We were tired afterwards but we've decided to ride at least once a week together so I'm excited. And then later that day Rosie showed up!!

I took her to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in downtown Fresno and then ended up at a Starbucks till about 11 o'clock when they closed and didn't end up falling asleep till 1, just catching up on everything. And then she got to go to my church for their special 2 year anniversary. We had 2 services for the very first time and we had 2 baptisms. During the second service I helped with the 3rd-5th graders and after church we had a big BBQ. I'm still feeling very much like a new-comer but I hope over the summer to begin some real relationships.

Then we spent the afternoon at Teazers, the world Tea market that I've fallen in love with and she left around 4.30. But it was soo good to get to see her and spend some time with her, especially since her grandma is dying and she really just needed to get away from all that and her job. Plus, she made me a really cool frame that she painted with words that describe our relationship; friends, life coach (inside joke), sisters, listeners, Daughters of God, pals, talkers, buddies. And inside is pictures of her and I.

So, that was my weekend in a nut shell. Monday I gave a group presentation on immigration and tomorrow I'm giving another group presentation on a speech sound. I'm really trying to end the semester strong, but it's a lot harder than it sounds!

Blessings!

I had to write a cultural autobiography for my social work class last month. I was really excited about it because I decided to really talk about my faith because my culture has really been shaped and formed by my relationship with Jesus. And I was excited because I've never really had an opportunity to talk about Jesus in a paper before. 
My SW professor is super cool. She's really a great teacher and has a lot of experience in SW. She spent the last 20 odd years in Finland and she's just got a great way in the classroom. This whole class is graded on 3 papers so that made me really nervous at first but once our first paper came around (the first one being this one) she said right away that she was available for help and that all we had to do was go to her. Of course, I had the greatest intentions but I ended up writing the paper a day or 2 before it was due so I missed out on that. But then when we came into class the day it was due and she asked for us to pass them in she said we could write 'draft' on the front and she'd look over it and let us re-write it...as many times as we needed till we were satisfied with our grade! So, I felt really confident about my paper but sometimes I don't feel so confident about my grammar so I wrote 'draft' on it and wrote a little note about my grammar. We got our papers back last week and guess what!!      I got an A!!!
So, I wanted to share my joy and I've added my paper with the comments my professor made are in caps. 


 
Blessings 

 Wow, so I really want to write soo much stuff down that I've been mentally noting in my head but I bet the minute I try to type it all out I won't be able to remember it all and it's going to come out as a mess of different thoughts and ideas from the past 2 days. So, my apologies for the mass confusion in the following paragraphs.

Today (Wed.) I had my oppression and diversity class. As I noted in my last blog I love this class and I'm always interested in what we'll be discussing. Next month we have a paper due on our culture. I actually must admit that I haven't looked at the prompt yet but today's lecture got me more interested in sitting down to look at it. My professor really wants us to consider our stories and what aspects of our lives make us the people that we are today. So, we watched this clip about storycorps which is this great group of people who go drive in this van and have people sit in this booth with a facilitator while they tell stories about their lives. It was soo interesting. The very first little clip they showed was of an older couple, Danny and Annie. I think the only thing that I could think about while I listened to this clip was the love that radiated sooo strongly from this man and woman towards one another. And how much I wanted it. I typed up one of the audio clips and also added the link. Listen and/or read it:  http://www.storycorps.net/listen/stories/danny-and-annie-perasa

(letter written to Annie by Danny): my dearest wife this is a very special day. It's a day in which we share our love which still grows after all these years. and now that love is being used by us to sustains us through these hard times. all my love all my days and more. happy valentines day.

i could write on and on about her. she lights up the room in the morning when she tells me to put both hands on her shoulders so she can support me. She lights up my life when she says to me at night wouldn't you like a little ice cream or would you please drink more water. I mean Those aren't really romantic things to say but they stir my heart. In my mind in my heart there has never been, there's not now, and never will be another annie.

WOW, right? I mean, I want my words to mean soo much to a person. At 70 I want to say things like "drink more water" or "give me your hand as you walk" and that they would warm my husband's heart. Sometimes I think that I could be single if God really wanted me to but then I hear this old man talking to his wife with such heartfelt love and adoration and I think, I want that! I want to grow old with someone and receive Valentines Day notes about a love that is still growing even after all those years. My pastor in northern CA tells me that I should be praying for a husband. A part of defiantly doesn't want to do that. I want to be independent and able to live the single life and then I remember a funeral I went to of an old woman and her husband got up during the service to speak to the congregation. He mentioned that he could spend hours talking about her and as he told stories about her dedication to him, her love and tender heart towards her children and the way she put up with his weird schedule and not being around all the time and he began to cry...I remember the way he stood up there, this old man, crying because his very best friend and the love of his life was gone.  I want a man to love me like that. Someone who'll stick by me through the good, the bad. Who'll draw closer to God with me. Encourage me, love me and listen to me. 

I guess this has turned into a bit of a Valentine's Day blog. I seriously didn't mean it to and I still have a lot to talk about but I guess I'll wait till next time. 

Peace and Blessings,
Bethany