beth0329

Wow, so Rosanna is actually going to go to Jeff's court date...you know, because it'll be soo hard to wait around to find out the verdict. Maybe this sounds bad but I just don't know when this will be over. Will she start getting over this after he goes to jail? Once he gets out? I just feel like this will never be over. I really hope she comes to this conclusion on her own because I don't feel like I can tell her this right now but God is sovereign. God knows us so much better than we even know ourselves and (my opinion here) I believe that God knew Rosanna was never going to get enough gumption to break up with Jeff and God has such better plans for both Jeff and Rosanna. I just keep praying that both JD and Jeff are being turned towards Jesus even as they sit in their jail cells or wherever they're kept. I pray that JD remembers Easter Sunday when he got baptized and he was soo joyful. I pray that Jeff remembers his 2 boys and his little girl and how much they need their dad. And that those things would direct them to the only God who can save them from their feelings of destruction, depression, rejection, shame, bitterness, anger, hate.

God, comfort those who mourn.

Hello folks,

It's been another busy week in the life of Bethany. I am going to try my best to highlight the best parts of my week, starting off on Monday...

On Monday morning it was really nice. I was able to just chill, get my chores done and relax. Then that afternoon I volunteered at the PCC, which was good. And then off to the gym! I have decided, after reading an acquaintance's blog, that I am going to start My Own Biggest Loser. Every 3 weeks I will be reporting my weight on here as a sort of accountability to keep it up. I don't want to give up...or even worse, gain weight! in front of the whole LiveJournal blogging community and whoever else finds my blog. So, here goes:
Starting weight: 240.1
Next weigh-in: February 26th
Good luck to me.

On Tuesday I had school all day and had a  PH meeting. I may talk about that later.

Wednesday I worked my first full day at ESA Love INC. It went really well and I got to sit in on a meeting for Kathy called the City Builders Round Table meeting. It's where all the folks from the ministries in town come together at our office to discuss prayer requests and do some networking. Very cool. And I'm still training on the phones. My next day is next Monday and I may start coming half days on Fridays. 
I also hung out with Kathryn for about an hour and a half, went to Target with her and had dinner. She's having a rough time with her parents divorce and how her mother is coping so please pray for her. And then I headed to the gym and had to run my own errands after that. It was a long day.

Today I was going to wake up early to head to women's bible study in SouthEast but when I laid down at midnight I realized I'd only get to sleep for 5 hours so instead I slept for about 6.5 and didn't go to bible study and instead just rode my bike over to hang out with Amy for about an hour. She's beginning to be a really great friend, someone I think I really need right now. And then I rode over to the PCC for counseling training and got to hear all about abortion.
By the time we were done I got to ride my bike back to the house in the rain. It was fun. And then ate real quick and ran to school. My first class was cancelled which was nice because I turned in my graduation application and then got some reading done. Then I finished up my day of classes and headed home with Carlanda. After dinner I was going to run an errand but instead I ended up stopping at Esther's apartment and stayed and chatted at her place for several hours, which was really good.

And now it's Thursday night and bed time!

Blessings.

My first client, Helen has taken a turn for the worse. July 4th was her 93rd birthday but she wasn't able to really celebrate. They've realized that she's bleeding internally and it looks like she might be gone within a couple of days.  I'm not at all worried about Helen, I think she's ready to go home to meet Jesus but it breaks my heart that her husband of 72 years is having a hard time with this and that her family (despite being christians) are hurting.  So, please pray for this family. I also pray that Helen goes in her sleep, peacefully and pain-free. I dont want her to be in any pain.

Blessings

If you read my last post then you should be surprised that I've written this because I should be working. But sadly I had to call 911 around 6 and David went into the hospital. He suddenly got very clammy, cold and non-responsive. I hope he's okay. Please pray for him. It's just been a really exhausting last 10 hours or so.

But a couple of really great things came out of this;

1. My dad and I had a great conversation.

and

2. I called Mark right after I left the hospital and it was just an awesome moment. I told him what happened and he was asking me how I was feeling and doing. I was just really overwhelmed and still in a bit of shock...and he asked if he could pray over me! So awesome.

Blessings

So Sunday was my 1st father's day where I can say I had a dad to celebrate it with. I mean, my blood-related father. And really, it's not like we celebrated together but I texted him in the morning. I think he was in church but we texted back and forth for a little bit. It was actually really cool. I had texted him at first just saying I loved him and wished him a happy day and he wrote me back saying I love you too, so of course we had to argue back and forth about who loved who more. And I had decided to send my papa Paul (my pastor in northern CA) a picture of myself signing "I love you" so I sent it to my dad too. He texted me back saying that he loved the picture and I told him that now he could have me with him all the time and he said he already had me with him always. I didn't remember sending him a picture from my phone before so I asked what he meant and he said that he always has me in his heart (I know, cheesy. But it made me feel great) and I told him that if I were there he would have gotten one of my amazing hugs for that one :) Later in the day we talked for a few hours and of course, I ended up calling all my other "dads" sometime during the day to let them know I was thinking/praying for them and loved them. Including, Rich and Don.

This week has been very full and busy. I have so much to write about but no energy to actually type it all out, which makes me really sad. I wish I could just speak and my words would just appear on the screen. That'd be soo sweet! But, anyways Monday I just worked. Nothing too big happened, I don't think. Yesterday I worked in the mornin then got to go grocery shopping with Amy and of course, watched an episode of The Bachelorette. I know, but y'all watch at least 1 ridiculous show too so don't hate! And then Candy and her mom, Kim showed up around 4. We went to Olive Garden and talked while Kim just laughed at our nonsense. But we did get to have a good conversation about recessions and the up-coming depression lol...okay, it wasn't 'good' necessarily but it was interesting. Hopefully I'll write more about that later. And then Kim left to go back to Modesto and Candy and I headed down to hang out at Teazers. I sadly had to leave to go to work but once I got back we watched SuperStar together which is our all-time favorite movie that we both love and ate this stuff that I made that was like eating pure sugar and drinking pineapple shakes. Then we stayed up wayy too late and woke up wayy too early. I dropped her off at the airport because she's headed back to Japan for a month to teach some English.

That night at work was one of the most difficult nights I had with Helen. Once I had gotten there I asked if it would be okay for me to leave early since Candy was visiting me and they said that was fine. So, my plan was to work for an hour, put Helen to bed at 9 and leave no later than 9.30 but that wasn't the real plan. I ended up staying till 10. Helen fell about 3 days ago and ended up hurting her shoulder so hospice put her on morphine which completely knocks you out and Joyce (her daughter) made the huge mistake of giving it to her an hour before bed so by the time I tried to get her up to talk to her bedroom she couldn't even walk! And then again tonight she didn't have a morphine pill but it was still just really hard for her to use her legs. I soo don't want to drop her and because her shoulder hurts every time she lifts her arm then I feel as if I'm hurting her and that makes me feel so bad. But she's supposed to be moving into a care home tomorrow but all the paper work isn't coming through so she may not be able to move in until Monday. So, please pray that it all works out! If she doesn't move in tomorrow then they want me to do 12 hour shifts over the weekend...which means not going home to Modesto like I was hoping this weekend. That'll be over 3, almost 4 weeks of not being home. I'm kinda missing it.

Keep praying for Mark. He's got a couple leads on jobs but no hiring has been done yet. And it's still been kinda weird when we talk. Candy and I talked about it when she was here and I just feel as if he's just as depressed after we talk as before we talk. I just love it that when I'm down all I have to do is call Candy, email her or just hang out and I feel better, at least at the moment. Of course all my issues haven't been cleared up and whatever was bothering me is still there but time with my buddy makes me happy and I guess I just haven't been feeling like I have the same effect on Mark. But oh well.

Ok, like I said I have a lot to talk about but I just have no energy to really write it all. This alone took me 3 days of saving drafts and now I'm finally posting it. Good night.

Blessings

Wow, so I haven't written anything in a long time. Weird.

I had a huge revelation about something I'd been struggling with lately. I really feel like Christians should agree on big "hot topic" issues like abortion, war (especially the present war) and those kinds of things. I could go on and on about why I think this but I'll just get straight to my revelation...I've decided that I don't think God necessarily cares if we're all in agreement (although I do believe He has a desire and will for our thought process) but really He wants unity! John 17.23 says, "May they be brought to complete UNITY to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me..." It's more important to be united and share the love of Jesus than be un-united and share something the world already has- a mess. The real test of unity amongst believers is when we can walk in a spirit of unity even when we disagree with motives or methods! So, there it is....UNITE!!!!

Father's Day is comin up. I sent my dad's gift today. I sent him this book called "Wild at heart." I read it about 3 months or so before he contacted me last year and I was especially impacted by 1 specific quote in the book about a dad affecting a daughter's feelings of worth. So, I wrote a lengthy note in the book for him. I wonder if he thinks I've forgotten because today we talked and he goes, "ok well I'll call you this weekend." But I want it to be a surprise so I didn't say anything about it being Father's Day. And then on the 18th will be our 1 year anniversary since we began our father-daughter relationship. A part of me is saddened by that. It's been a year (in just 8 days) and he's only once tried to see me and then he cancelled on me. I just wish that he'd truly do anything, and I literally mean anything, to see me. But hopefully someday soon...like in the next year.

Please continue to pray for Mark and his kids. He's searching for a job right now but God is really providing for him, it's so cool to see God move in awesome ways like that. But I am seriously finding it difficult to know what to do or say. I feel as if I'm completely useless and really not doing anything. I know what you'll say...well you're being an ear to him...it just doesn't feel like any good. I wish I could really do something. I was telling my dad this and he goes, "well, what would you do?" And I go well I don't really know but I just want to be there in person, and really just give him a hug because I'm an amazing hugger. My dad about cracked up when I called myself an amazing hugger (even though ask anyone and they'd say the same about me). And it might not sure world hunger but just the simple act of hugging someone can make their day. So, I wish I could hug Mark right now. And I guess it's frustrating me too, it almost seemed like we were both about to cry on the phone. He was all emotional about not feeling like he can support his kids and I'm all emotional cuz I feel like a useless "friend" on the other end who has no idea what to say or do to make anything okay and wondering why he even calls me. Well there ya go for true confessions.

I'm tired.

Blessings.

I've really been wanting to write because I have stuff to say but now that I've waited so long I'll probably forget some stuff or get tired of writing and quit before I've said all that I want to say. But, let's see how it goes...

So, last week I wrote that I didn't think I'd find out anything about a job till this week. Or maybe I didn't...but anyways I thought I'd know about the Senior Helpers job by Thursday well then I called and she said not till next week. I talked to Mark and he reminded me that I want what God wants for me and not just some job. So, I spent Thursday praying and I decided to go to another senior care place to get an application but for some reason I didn't end up filling it out and I had decided to go home Thursday night to spend some time with Candy before she leaves for Japan. And I was praying that I'd have a job by this week and then I probably wouldn't be able to be so flexible with my schedule. So, anyways on Friday I was at Candy's visiting with her parents before we left and I get this call from Senior Helpers with a job offer! God is soo good!! Even when his kids are impatient!

My first day was today! I work 7 days a week, 8-10pm (I'll talk about my mom's response to this later in the blog). The lady I'm serving, Helen, is well into her 90s. I found out after I met her daughter and son-in-law that she has a terminal illness. I think I realized tonight how much this job is going to affect me. I almost cried when I watched her husband interact with her. He's very spry, although he's probably just as old as she is. But he's spunky and I think he's probably been taking care of her up until now and is realizing he can't do anything else and that eventually he's going to lose her. I can only imagine what that must feel like, especially for a couple who's probably been together well over 50 years. Even the way he touches her is still loving and sweet. Like I mentioned the daughter was there and you could tell right away that she treats them both like children. When I got there she was sharing pictures on her lap top. She and her husband just moved to Nevada in the past few months and I think once they got the news that her mom had cancer they came to help plans care arrangements and all that. And Helen's husband confessed to me that he thought she was enjoying it more than they were :)  He's super cute. And even the tone of her voice was very...I don't know how to describe it. I just wanted to tell her that they're still grown adults and deserve to be treated as such. And she really wanted her dad to stop working so hard around the house. Even while I was there he was up emptying the trash, running the dishwasher, etc. and I just thought, that's how he's getting through this. He needs to keep busy because if he doesn't all he'll have to do is sit and think about the pain his wife is going through dying with a disease/illness that he doesn't understand and can't fix. I think this job is going to be really emotionally draining but I really hope to encourage these folks, even if it's just cleaning up their house or helping to put Helen to bed. Please pray for this family.

On Sunday my friend Roxie came into town so I left Modesto by 1 and I called Mark on my drive down. It was our first long phone conversation, it lasted almost as long as it took me to drive to Fresno- an hour and 45 minutes. I was wondering if we'd ever have conversations longer than a few minutes and lo and behold, we did. It was really good, although parts of it were harder for me to hear than other parts. We talked about lots of different things but 1 thing that really hit me hard was when he told me that I have insecurities and that really it's not that I'm a people pleaser (I was telling him that I don't like letting people down so I try to make them all happy by not doing anything that'll upset anyone- like my mom or friends) but that I don't trust myself to make my own decisions so I let others do it for me and that is really hard for God to use me when I'm like that. I knew he was right so that's what made it hard to hear. I could have made up some dumb excuse or tried to argue but deep down I know that is the real issue. He asked what I'm doing about it and I know I've definitely made progress since I was in high school and I did accept a 7 days a week job and I am going to live in a pink house for a year doing urban ministry and I'm working with old people instead of substituting teaching that would pay $100 a day.

Which brings me to my mom...I was seriously soo frustrated at her Saturday morning. My church ladies are having a big yard sale next weekend and all the proceeds go to missions so I wanted to get some stuff together to send with my mom. Well, she starts freaking out saying that I'm getting rid of all these memories but that "it's your stuff. do whatever you want with it." I had told her that I just really want to get rid of all my material possessions. I mean, I don't want to get rid of EVERYTHING. But come on, I do not need stuffed toys from my birth or figurines that just collect dust. I want to live simply and I can't do that with a bunch of crap. Anyways, at one point she goes, "well you need to tell people who buy you things that you just want useful stuff." and I go, "well, yea they should know that." and she goes, " you know, people don't know you as well as you think (and then the real clincher) I don't even think I know you sometimes." Hello, Guilt Trip! Ironically enough I heard a message this morning on the radio that I soo wished my mom could have heard, all about letting your kids go and that they won't leave you forever. The pastor also helped me to realize something...when the kids finally leave the nest parents are mourning a loss of a relationship. Of course, their new relationship, one that involves some distance and less every day encounters, may be a good one and even better but the old relationship is still going to be felt as a loss and I think that maybe my mom is going through that. She liked what we used to have and me being away means I'm making a life for myself that doesn't involve her participation 24/7. So, please pray for us.

Ok, I think that's enough for now. I'm exhausted.

Blessings

I'm waiting for a call from the Senior Helpers place. The lady who interviewed me said that Thursdays are orientation day and I had my interview Tuesday. She said she wanted to call my references and that I should hear back from them by Thursday so I'm assuming that means I'll hear from her today. Let's all pray!!

I'm really depressed today. I checked my grades for the semester :(  They suck. I really should have tried harder. I got a D in one of my major classes and I'm worried I'm going to have to do it again. I don't think you can graduate with a D in one of your major classes :(  But, thankfully it won't be that big of a deal because I thought I was going to take a semester off in the Spring and apply for graduation in the fall. So, I'd "graduate" in December and then walk in May with everyone else but instead if I can't have a D and have to re-do the class then I'll just apply for graduation in Spring and walk in May still. But still I know my mom will be a little disappointed. She's pretty good about not giving me a bad time and actually, I don't think she's ever even asked about my grades until someone else brings it up but I'm mad at myself more than anyone else could be :(  My other grades weren't so good either...except Social Work. I got an A in that class but that's only because I really really loved that class. So, yea. I'm sad.

I'd also like you all to pray for my friend Mark. He's just havin a rough time right now. I don't need to get into it all. God knows what's going on and He knows the plans He has for Mark and his boys. But, I really wish I could do something but that's a little hard from all the way here. So, please pray that I can think of ways to encourage him and be a friend right now. I don't like seeing people down and discouraged and it's even worse when I feel like I'm helpless and can't do anything.

Blessings.

I am now out of the dorms and living with my good friends Amy and Daniel. I will post pictures of their house soon. It's really cute and very homey. Even before I moved in and would come to visit I always felt at home and Daniel and Amy somehow create community in their home. They've already had about 3 people come in and out of their house to live for awhile and they've only been living here for a little over a year. But I am super excited that I'm living here now. My room is mostly put together but I want to try to limit how much stuff I have...because...

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE PINK HOUSE!! This morning I woke up and started doing some job searching online and I went to check my email and saw one from the director of the PH. Before I even opened it I just prayed for God's will to be done and opened it, scanned it and praised GOD!! I am soo thrilled. And tomorrow night we're meeting with the others who were accepted to have our first meeting. I am really excited to see what kinds of people will be living in the PH with me. I'll write all about it! I want to document everything about this experience. I am seriously soo blessed!!

I also have a prayer request for a very dear friend of mine. One of my friends up north is Richard. He's probably in his late 50s or so and he's been like a dad to me since I met him. He knows sign language and is now teaching a class at our church and taking some college sign classes. He's a great guy and loves to take me on motorcycle rides, and he says I have a bottom lip that could trip a pig...when he says he won't take me on a ride I get a bit pouty :)  Anyways, his wife Mary has been sick lately and no one really knows what's wrong except that everything is wrong with her. Well, on Sunday she went into the hospital with chest pains and tomorrow morning she'll be going into surgery for a heart catheter. Please pray for her, Richard and the family. I really wish I could be up there with them.

I could write a whole lot more but for some reason I just don't want to...so I'll write more later.

Blessings

I believe it was last year while I was up north this dude came and spoke about Burma. If I remember correctly he was going on a mission trip there as a pilot, he was going to fly food and other resources into Burma. I LOVED it. I think he had a Q&A time and I asked about women going on these mission trips. I'm sure my mom got nervous :)   But, anyways since this guy got me interested in Burma I got online and went to the program that he was a part of. They're called Partners Relief and Development and I signed onto their newsletter. Just yesterday I got this letter from them

 I'm actually in Modesto right now! I can't believe it either. It's been almost a month or a little over since I've actually seen my mom. And I really only got to see her an hour last night before she went to bed and then I saw her for a few minutes this mornin. I'm heading up north here soon, actually I'm waiting on a girl who's going up with me who obvioiusly doesn't realize that I hate not being on time and we're wasting precious time that I could be spending with my family up north, instead of waiting on her. But I'm trying to deal

 But I'm a little worried about the visit because I still want to talk to Nick about manifest destiny and what he meant, if you don't remember the conversation you can read the entry about it. And I've been meaning to mention it but I am considering getting dread locks this summer. I've been doing my homework and I'm realy interested in it. There's different ways you can get them done;

( Dreading Methods )

So, most likely I'll do the backcombing but I want to get it done by a professional because I want it to look good. But, anyways I was telling my pastor's wife from up north and she really didn't like the idea. I guess I just thought she'd be cool with it, like...well, that's silly but go for it. But instead she gave me a bad time about not having a good reason for getting them and not doing it the "natural way." It was just really weird. 

It made me start thinking that people outside of Fresno don't really know who I am anymore. Especially this past year I feel as if I've been transformed in getting to know God's heart for justice and the inner-city...and my thoughts have changed on really big, important things like war and peace. So, I'm struggling with whether I should bring up tough subjects and tell them my views or just keep it quiet because most likely most people won't agree with me or understand it. So, pray for me in that.

Anyways, I'll be back on Sunday night and then I'll actually be able to spend some time with my mom which will be nice. Although I'm also going to bring up the fact that I am going to live in Fresno over the summer with Daniel and Amy, so I'm hoping she'll take that well.

Whew, lots and lots of stuff to deal with. But thankfully I get to ride on the back of a motorcycle this weekend :)

Blessings

Tomorrow morning is my interview for the Pink House. I am praying Psalms 37.4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. I really really want this. I want to live in the inner-city of Fresno and learn about urban development and God's heart for justice and racial reconciliation. I feel like this is the desire of my heart, but I also realize that God grants the desires of our hearts that are HIS desires, so I am praying this is the desire that he wants for me! So, please pray for me.

 

 I'm up wayy too early and my tummy is in complete knots. I went to bed last night around 11.30. A part of me didn't want to sleep and another part of me wanted it so bad, just to be able to sleep and not think. I don't feel like crying at the moment but I'm sure that could change the minute I have to think about it.

I also feel really bad for another reason too. My friend Roxie also applied for the internship with me. Ever since the interview she really felt like they were going to tell her no and although she never said, I think she thought I'd make it. But the tables are turned. I wasn't even accepted and she was and was asked to stay here at State. I'm seriously REALLY happy for her. I know she really didn't want to be transferred somewhere else and she'd make an excellent leader. She's a great relational evangelist and one of my very very good friends. But I was seriously so overwhelmed last night when I got the news that I held myself up in my room and whenever I'd leave to go to the bathroom or once I left to get dinner, I just prayed I wouldn't run into anyone I knew so I never talked with her. About 15 minutes after Noemi left Roxie (I think it was her, almost 100% sure) knocked at my door and I was in bed just crying and couldn't make myself answer the door and then a few minutes later she texted me telling me that she was there to talk. So, I think I'm going to leave a note on her door and let her know I just needed last night to process things on my own. I hope she doesn't think I'm mad at her because I'm really not- I'm really excited for her and I hope she accepts! So, please pray for both of us!

I appreciate it.

Blessings.

I was just told that I'm not accepted into InterVarsity. I was given a letter (along with my staff talking with me) which said, in short...
"We are not offering you an itnernship with InterVarsity at this point but we wonder how this will open up to the area God has given you a passion and vision for. With your gift mixing in mind, The Divisional Leadership Team and I feel that further exploration of a potential call to urban ministry or social work would be helpful."

I'm more shocked than I thought I would be and can't help but cry over the loss of something that I really thought would happen. I almost feel lost, like I thought I was on the right road in life, headed towards this amazing future and then I encounter this really bad accident. But this accident isn't just some accident that is cleaned up and then I can move forward, no this accident is so bad that it's ruined the road and I have to make a U-turn. But now where? Oh God, what do you want me to do?? I'm so confused. Please dry my tears and make it stop hurting. I feel like my heart is broken and I realize that you have better things planned for me. I can count 3 people in the past 45 minutes who have said those exactl words but I don't want to hear that right now. I want IV. God help me through this

My dinner with the pastor and his family in town went soo good!! I am super excited. I got there a little late because I didn't realize it was raining so hard and I'd never been there but I finally found there place and this was actually the first time I formally met his wife, her name is Annette and she's super sweet. She's pregnant which is exciting because if I end up working at the church then I get to be a part of the new babies life. They also have a little girl who's 3, Nairay and a 1 year old named Elijah. They are soo cute. Elijah wasn't feeling well so he was hesitant to get to know me but Nairay is full of energy and spunk and talks about a mile a minute so I got to hear all about how she's going to feed the new baby and about pre-school. They were fun. 

But once they finally headed to bed we brought out a game called Ticket To Ride  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ticket_to_Ride_(board_game) Just check out the link to find out more and if anyone is thinking about buying me something this game kicks it! Anyways, we got to have "adult" conversation once we started playing. I asked about the church and some of the logistics...like since their Mennonite Brethren what that means pertaining to women in ministry, alcohol, theology. All the fun stuff. Then I finally just got down to it and was like so if I wanted to come on board what would you want me to do. And I seriously think I took Sam off guard. I don't think they realized that I really do want to join the ministry at their church, The Grove. So, we talked about what options I had in ministry...which is almost everything. They even invited me to a woman's conference they're having next weekend which unfortunately I won't be able to go to but I thought it was sweet that they invited me. Of course, they told me to keep praying about it and that they'd love for me to join them but it was my decision. I am definitely going to continue praying about it but I can't deny this strong urge to go there. 

And then today I am leaving for Bakersfield to attend a conference with InterVarsity. It's our winter conference. We have three different tracks; your identity in Jesus, leadership, and justice. I've actually never been to winter con. but thankfully I'm a senior and my staff said I could go to leadership. I really wanted to go to the justice track of course but leadership would have been my 2nd choice. It should be good and I'm expecting some good words from God. Despite being really excited about The Grove I'm also really scared because if I decide to commit to this church that means I won't be going home all the time and I know that not only will my mom be sad when I don't come home for weeks at a time but Rosie (and my other really good friends) will be sad too. Especially since Rosie is supposed to be leaving by April for Bulgaria and she'll be gone for 2 years! So, I feel like I have to take that into consideration too. Prayers are appreciated.

Have a great weekend everybody and I'll let you all know how the conference went when I get back!!

Blessings

 So, I shouldn't be writing right now. I should be studying for a speech test that's at 8 in the morning. But, obviously I'm not doing that and I am writing. 

Tonight was interesting. I had a rather interesting conversation with a couple people earlier in the afternoon and then thankfully I had dinner with Candy and was able to vent a little, you know sometimes you just need an ear that'll listen and not really put in their advice or "wisdom" and somehow best friends just know when they should listen and when they should talk. But then at 6.30 we had bible study tonight in the dorms. I come out to the lobby where we meet and there's just Chris. So I sit down and we start talkin about whatever and a few minutes later Alberto shows up and finally Roxie (who leads the bible study) calls me and asks where I'm at and says that I need to come to Cat's room and if anyone else is there they should come too. Cat is a good friend of ours who lives down the hall from both Roxie and I. She's really sweet and she and I have really gotten to be good friends. We work out twice a week together and whenever I go to her room she gives me Capri Suns! :) 

But, anyways we go to her room and even before I get there I can hear her crying and now I'm worried. A little background information; Cat wants to be a sign langauge interpreter. She went to a junior college for a couple of years or so before coming here. She's dyslexic so she is able to have some more time on tests and she has to be really organized and she has to study alot. But she realizes all this stuff about herself so she's really on top of things. Anyways, she failed a class last semester so they put her on academic probation so she has to get a 2.0 GPA or higher to not be kicked out of school.

Fast forward back to the present. She has to re-take the class she failed and she's still not doing well. She had a test today and she literally studied all day yesterday (up till 3 and that's why she didn't come to the gym) and she had studied all day before the test. I felt so bad for her. I just wanted to tell her it doesn't matter and that all that was important is the awesome relationships she had made and how much we loved her. But I know that she really will be kicked out of school if she can't keep her grades up and she might be able to stay for the rest of this semester but she definitely wouldn't be able to come back next semester so we prayed over her and had her come to bible study with us. The study was seriously made for her. It was Matt. 6.25-34, all about worry and how if God takes care of the lily of the valley and feeds the birds of the air and since you're so much more valuable then even them, how much more will he take care of you. I really hope she got something out of it.  

She left after bible study and we had our prayer meeting so after that was done Roxie and I went to her room to check on her. She seemed to be a bit more cheerful after talking with her folks but she was hungry so we took a run to taco bell. That place always brightens a bleak day :)

But prayer would be appreciated for her!

And now I'm just waiting till tomorrow night. I'll be meeting with a pastor and his family for dinner! I did an urban plunge with his church and got to meet with him when last semester ended to give him the rest of the money I earned for the trip but didn't use and he invited me to begin praying about perhaps joining in the ministry at their new church. So, I'm super excited!!

 So, I'm usually really bad about journaling although I absolutely love the idea of it! But I have high expectations and I hope to keep myself motivated and write in this thing at least every other day. I strangely (and quite incidentally) met a new friend through this thing and he's really inspired me to write so here's to journaling!! 
Oh, and a minute of ranting...I can't believe I lost my cell phone today!!! So, let's go through every step in the hour of when I believe I lost it. I had gone to Target with a friend and had left it in my dorm room (which doesn't happen very often so I should have known something was going to go wrong) and when we got back our friends had invited us to go to an Arabic restaurant with them so I dashed into my room to grab my phone and noticed I had 2 voicemails. I listened to the first one but my friends wanted to leave so (I'm almost 100% positive) that I slipped my phone into my pocket and away we went. But the minute I got into our friend's car I knew somethin wasn't right cuz I didn't feel my phone in my pocket, but I just thought, well maybe I left it in the room. When we got back it was no where to be found. I even called myself! Ugh, I was so seriously frustrated. I hate being dependent on that stupid thing but I am! And I can admit that. It's not like I can just survive without it. I have a lot of friends who can't just come over to my dorm room to get me...and I have a dad in Oklahoma who I'd only get to talk to on the weekends and that's only if both of us are at home at the same time! Ugh, I'm so aggravated. 
Please pray that some nice person picked it up and turns it in!! Pleasssee!!