beth0329

Wow, I can't believe my last post was June 12th and it's June 24. Well, I am now officially in Modesto and into my new place. 512 Vine St. Crazy, right? No job yet but I know that will come soon. Please join me in praying for the right one! I have 3 housemates, Stephanie lives downstairs with me and Abby and Patty live upstairs. Next month Sara Jane will be moving in downstairs and then there's a couple girls who are considering moving in so we'll see who gets the last room. And then today Cole is moving in with the 2 guys at 511 so that's exciting. I'm getting to know all of them, plus attending many meetings where I get to know the folks in Modesto who are doing God's work which I really enjoy. Today I went to a CMN (City Ministry Network) and met this really cool guy, John Sanders who is a pastor to the homeless, literally. Their church is in the park. Plus, he has a ministry to those folks in prison, plus a mentor program for men and women coming out of jail so I'm hoping to do that. We'll see what else God is leading me towards.

I finally uploaded a bunch of pictures so I think I'm going to share them here. So, enjoy!

( Pictures. )

Shalom.

2 down, 7 more to go. Nate and Esther are in their new place in the neighborhood. I don't want to go.

I finished a book last week. Angry conversations with God Really good book. Funny but real. She takes God to marriage counseling because everybody keeps telling her that she may be single but she's married to God and she's angry with him...so it's time for counseling. Must read!

She also shared a passage that I really really like:

Though The fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength, He makes me feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights. Hab. 3.17-19

242 pages.

I have been busy. Nothing unusual there, I guess. My weekend was full. I headed home on Thursday and spent some time with the bestie and with my mom. On Friday I spent the day running some errands and got to have a face-to-face meeting with Marvin. He's a really nice guy. We met at Burger King and then he drove me over to the ministry houses. I'll just say it now...In about 12 days I will be at 512. It's a house on the west side of Modesto. There is a girl's house, 512 and a guy's house, 511. There is already 2 gals living in my house, neither of which are sold out for the urban ministry thing and then there's 2 guys in the other house. Devin is another not sold out person but Kevin is totally into the urban ministry aspect, has a heart for the poor and LOVES the kids in the neighborhood, which is really cool. Marvin also just told me some history about the house. My house actually has a basement that he wants to renovate, so that's really cool. There's a lot of room down there so we could do SO much stuff for the neighborhood. One of my goals in moving in is to begin helping to develop a similar model in Fresno in Modesto. So, it will be liking developing a Pink House in Modesto. I am really excited about it and also a little overwhelmed, but I think it's going to be amazing.

Then my uncle came into town on Saturday afternoon and got to come to my graduation party. It turned out soo great. Lots of folks ended up coming to the party. I just love spending time with people I love so it was soo good. Even Candy and Kim showed up which was really cool and totally unexpected. I will hopefully post pictures sometime in the near future. Then my uncle and I stole away while my mom and a couple friends cleaned up and went and had coffee. It was soo nice just being able to spend time with my uncle, just me and him. It made up for not having my dad there a little bit. Then my mom and I dragged my uncle to another graduation party, it was for Charlie, Rosanna's little sister. She graduation from high school. We had a lot of fun. It's kinda nice when you're not the star of the party and can just sit there and enjoy yourself, instead of getting up and down and talking to everyone. We all enjoyed ourselves. Then that night my uncle just spent the night at my house so we all just sat in the living room telling stories and laughing...a lot. I don't think I laughed so much over the weekend as I did with my uncle. It was so much fun.

On Sunday I ditched church and my uncle and I drove up to the mountains. Really it wasn't to go anywhere, just to be together. We pigged out at Applebee's and laughed a whole lot, got lost and found our way again with his GPS. It was so much fun. He headed back to Oklahoma on Monday morning and that day I met up with Kevin at 512 and got to know him a little better. He also took me to Tapestry, the high school group connected with YFC. And I also spent some time with Candy that night. It was a long day but pretty productive.

Now I'm back in Fresno for my last 2 weeks before moving back to Modesto. Last night was our last official Pink House meeting. Next Tues. will just be a celebration party and then people will begin moving out :(   I am really going to miss this place, this house and these people. I know I am going to be super busy right after moving out so I probably won't mind too much but I know there will be some point in the near future when I will grieve leaving. It may very well be the same day I move out. God did a whole lot in me in the past 10 months being here. But, I will leave that for a later post.

I should get off here and stop myself before I start down memory lane.

Shalom

I have had a GREAT weekend. Thursday was the last day of classes so that made the weekend great just because of that. Really, now that I sit here and think about the weekend there was several things that could have turned the weekend really sour but I just really had a lot of joy, despite it. But, let me explain...

So, on Thurs. night I ended up on Facebook while Rosie was there and we got to talking. I don't know if I already talked about this but Rosie was planning on breaking up with Jeff, about 3 weeks ago or so...but she kept stalling...for lots of reasons that I really don't want to go into at the moment. So, fast forward. Thursday night. I start asking questions to see if she has broken up with him yet and she says that she can't really tell me why but there's something going on with Jeff and she promised Pastor Chuck (PC) that she wouldn't gossip about it. While she is telling me this Amanda messages me and asks if Rosie is okay, because she was at church that night, crying while praying at the altar. So, at this point I'm thinking; What the heck is going on?? Not even remotely sure of what could be the problem. But I reassure Amanda that it's none of her business and she should just pray and tell Rosanna to feel free to call me whenever she needs to talk about anything...Friday morning; I get out of the PCC and Rosie has called twice, I call her back and find out that Jeff and another guy from our church are in jail. This article tells all.
http://www.modbee.com/local/story/713453.html?pageNum=2&mi_pluck_action=page_nav#Comments_Container 

Of course, Rosanna is a mess so she ended up coming to visit me on Saturday night and spent the night. It was a really great visit. Saturday I hung out with Amy and just relaxed, then Rosanna got to Fresno around 6 and we spent a couple of hours catching up in my living room; not a whole lot about the Jeff thing, but it was interspersed in there. Then went to Chilis for dinner, then came home by 10 and spent the rest of the night on my balcony. It was really nice because about 2 hours into our convo Sara K (next august's PH intern), George and Art joined us and we had great conversation till 2 in the morning. Rosie didn't feel like she should ditch out on church so we woke up around 7 and had breakfast together and then she headed off to Modesto. Unfortunately, she really wanted to talk with Jeff and hear from him why he did what he did and about 15 mins after she left she ended up calling me telling me she had missed his phone call. So, as of last night she still hadn't heard back from him but I'm praying she doesn't. His court date is on the 28th...Please pray for Jeff, JD, Rosanna and all family and friends who are involved.

After Rosie left I didn't want to go back to bed and it was such a beautiful day that I ended up putting on some work out clothes and my tennis shoes and did a power walk around the neighborhood and then spent a good while taking a shower and getting pretty for church, while listening to some great worship music. Got to walk over to First Pres (the church across the street from the PH) with Amy and heard a great sermon based on a very short passage, Matthew 19:13-15. Good stuff.

Then had a great lunch while watching TV, ran some errands with Amy and had dinner with her. Then enjoyed some time on her porch. It was just really good. And then today I actually did another power walk in the morning and got some stuff done. And went and say 'I love you, Man' with Amy at the $3 Theatre...Can I just tell you that the $3 theatre is amazing! $3!! for any movie that's there! Beautiful. And the movie was super cute. Lots of cussing, sadly. But good film.

And now I am telling myself that I need to be in bed. I am getting certified in CPR tomorrow morning, 8-4. It's going to be quite a long day, but I'm excited. It should be fun.

Good night all.

It's the end of 5 years of college. School is over. Supposedly I have achieved my B.A. but I've decided not to say I've graduated until it's completely official and I have some important piece of paper saying so in my hands. That's all I'd like to say about that.

And now that school is out I am going to be a pretty busy lady. But, I am glad about that. Busy-ness keeps me out of trouble. Of course, P.H is still going on. Our last day is June 15th so I am going to continue to volunteer at the PCC until then, for sure. So, that'll be Mondays, 2-5pm and Fridays, 7.45-11am and then I think I'm going to serve at ESA twice a week, instead of just once a week, so I'll keep coming Wednesdays and then I think I'll start coming on Thursdays too. That'll leave Monday mornings free, Tuesdays till 6 which is PH meeting time and Friday afternoons. I think that's pretty fair. And it's only another 3 weeks. Crazy that PH is almost over. I am really going to miss this house and living with these people. But, no reminiscing yet. It's not over.

I just finished another book.

Impulse by Ellen Hopkins 666 pages

This book was really good. It's from the same gal that wrote the other two books that I've read. This one is similar to the others in that it's also written in poetry form and it's really neat because it takes 3 people who end up at a psychiatric hospital because they all try to commit suicide in various ways and how they're lives intersect. It's really neat. I liked it.

I am really hoping to get a lot of reading done this summer, but I know I am going to be busy so I don't know why'd I have more time now to read...but we'll see. i am going to try.

Ok, it's bed time.

Blessings

I can't believe it's already April. This year is seriously going by way too fast. At the end of May I'll be graduating and then only a few more weeks after that I'll be moving out of the Pink House. Crazy. And then today was a flurry of future excitement. I heard from Andrew Marin, as I mentioned in my last post and then I met with Nick Jones from CareFresno this afternoon. There's an apartment in South East, the same apartments I've been interested in, that CareFresno has spoke to and their opening up a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment free to anyone who wants to do ministry there. I am so STOKED! God is soo good. I seriously have been meaning to look into this since October but continually put it off and instead of just leaving me in the dust, God just takes up the mantle and insures that I do His will. He seriously blows my mind! Now I am just really going to be praying about the folks at my church and their willingness to join me in this venture. Nick said that it would be good to have 2-3 volunteers each day of the week that I do the after school program. That seems like quite a few people and lots of commitment! Please join me in pray.

Oh, and guess what else! I may get paid to do this! CareFresno is partnering with AmeriCorp; I sadly am not completely understanding the program but it consists of the church investing money into Americorp and then them investing into a leader, that would be me! to learn under CareFresno and minister at the apartments. But, that is ultimately up to my church since their the ones who would be investing the money. A part of me doesn't think they'll do it because we're low on finances right now, but we shall see.

On Sunday morning I'm off to Catalina to study the book of Amos. Five folks from the PH will be there! That should be really fun. And it's just going to be really nice to get away again for a whole week. Away from the computer, cell phone, school, responsibilities and just be able to enjoy nature, friends and time much needed with God. Can't wait.

Oh yea, and my birthday was great. I'm so glad I was able to go up north. I think if I would have stayed in Modesto I would have been sorely disappointed, those folks didn't represent very well at all. Thankfully I got a phone call from Rosanna on the day of and some facebook messages but that's about it. But while up North I think I just really got some lovin that I needed. My mom and I arrived on Fri. night and just talked a little with Papa and Shelley and then went to bed. On Sat. we just chilled in the morning. I went on a short bike ride with papa and Albert, then my mom, Shelley, grandma and I went to a baby shower and that was fun. Then that night got to just enjoy spending time with the family watching a cute Disney film. And then woke up on my birthday to my most favorite breakfast made by Shelley; ham and potato casserole, plus homemade gravy and biscuits! Mmmmm. So delicious. And then had all the folks at church sing Happy Birthday to me and 2 others who had their birthdays near mine...then after church we invited everyone to one of my favorite restaurants in Redding, a Chinese buffet. Lots of people ended up coming with us which was really good. I just love spending time with people. If I could I'd seriouslygather up everybody I care about and have us all live near one another. I got a few gifts; a cute mug from Marilyn, The women of the bible from Carol, some money from Nancy and Dwight, a gift card from Borders from my mama, money from grandma and grandpa and then 2 books and a picture frame from papa and Shelley, plus some amazing cards full of love. It was just a great birthday weekend with the people I truly care about the most (not to say I don't care about people outside of Northern CA, but these folks hold a really special place in my heart).

Okay, well I've rambled on for quite awhile and it's already 1 in the morning. So, i'm off to bed. Goodnight y'all.

Blessings.

I can't believe it's already at the end of March! Just this weekend I realized there's only a week till my birthday, that's crazy. My mom texted me this afternoon and asked for a birthday day...she was going to buy me a bike rack but once I totaled my car that wasn't an option anymore :( which I'm almost more bummed about not getting the bike rack than totaling my car. But, anyways I think I've decided not to ask for anything, but instead ask that any money she would have spent on me...for a bike rack or anything else, would be saved for a trip this summer. I am still praying and talking to some folks but I think I may go to Chicago to visit Andrew Marin at The Marin Foundation http://themarinfoundation.org/index001.htm
He builds bridges between the gay community and the church, not be forcing change in either community, "but rather pushes the outer limits of comfort to foster true spiritual and religious growth." I first heard Andrew at CCDA in a seminar about building bridges and actually spent some time talking one-on-one with him, then once I got home I found him on facebook and began reading his blog. I really appreciate what he tries to foster and his views are refreshing and interest me. So, I've already facedbook'ed him a couple of times and emailed him...I also have a number and I'm not afraid to use it! :) But, I'll wait a few days to see if he contacts me.
Let's see...what else has been goin on...This weekend was the mini-CCDA. We had two speakers come in for 2 days to talk with us about urban ministry. Glen Kehrein, from Chicago and Craig Wong from S.F. They spoke on the biblical basis of community development and transformational leadership. It was good. It was also nice just seeing how far we've come in transforming our city.
Amy and I left the session right after lunch on Saturday. I had to work on an on-line exam, which sucked but once I finished that I hopped on my bike. It was a super beautiful day! I rode all over down town and did some praying, just enjoying the beautiful weather and then I stopped at the park near the FAX depot. I found myself a bench and pulled out the great book that I've mentioned I'm reading. I can't wait to write down some of my thoughts once I'm finished with it on here. Then I headed back to the house and decided that I really wanted to go to the Revue, but didn't really want to go alone. Unfortunately the first couple of people I called weren't answering but I ended up going with Nancy and it was good. She was able to tell me about the part of the session that I missed and Noemi joined us later and we all chatted. Once we got back onto our bikes the beautiful weather had turned ominous, dark sky and cold wind.
But, it just sprinkled a little, which was good because at 8pm everyone met at the Pink House for Roof-Tops. I'll try to explain what RT is, but if you don't get it then don't worry about it. So, I'll explain it the way that Ivan (one of the main guys who thought the idea up) explained it to me. There's three churches, A B and C. Let's say that A church is upper class, B is middle and C is lower. Young people (there could be older people as well, but let's face it the old people aren't going to be as willing to get out of their well-established boxes) begin going to RT, which is a concept. Instead of staying inside the 4 walls of a church, where there's probably community and people you'd call friends, but then once you leave that place you probably aren't really friends, in the sense that you're not calling one another to spend time together or anything. But, with Roof-tops we're trying to bring together people outside of the church but not to organize another church but instead to go back to your church and spread that kind of community and love amongst the people there. I can't really tell you what a normal RT night is like, they really allow the Spirit to move. My first time was last night. We had dinner at this chinese hole in the wall restaurant. We all put in $5 and the lady ended up with over $200 dollars and we had plenty of food...which was a great segue way into the talk on re-distrubution. Carlanda also shared some negro spirituals and their true meaning at the time they were written. It was great! And my friend Terron showed up which was pretty cool too.
Today was average. Went to church this morning, got a nice little nap in, cleaned up my room finally. yay! And went to re-locator's potluck tonight, plus ran a couple errands. And now back into the week!
Alright, it's taken me long enough to just write this...time for bed!

Today was such a good day. Lately I've been having really great days and I think that a part of it is because of the amazingly beautiful weather that we're having- just the right amount of sun per wind. Gorgeous. Today I woke up nice and early. Beth and I decided we needed some coffee so we got Starbucks and a donut and headed off for a lecture on affordable housing by the great Dr. Jill Shook. She came and spoke to the PH about the theology of housing yesterday night which was really good and her lecture this morning was about affordable housing models. I bought her music which is examples of lots of different faiths and backgrounds and their models of affordable housing in their communities. I'm excited to read it because of the glimpses into some of them that she shared.

After the meeting Jazz (our FIFUL intern), Phil (direction of FIFUL), Beth, Jill and I all went out to lunch. It was really good and Jazz and I had a great conversation about homosexuality and Christianity. Her brother is homosexual so she had great personal insight. And it was cool getting to talk more 1-on-1 with Jill, she's really brilliant and has a lot of experience and amazing stories to tell. Then Beth and I drove back to the house and I hopped onto my bike and went to Amy's to get the truck. It's become like common property. I probably drive it more often than she does. And went to work at ESA. Not overly productive but it was good and then off to my chiropractor. I'm definitely getting better..whoo hoo! But my shoulder blades are all knotted up and both the people who have given me massages have said it's caused by repetitive motion, like anything. But I've been given some exercises so hopefully it helps.

When I had picked up the truck Amy has said that she wouldn't be there if I dropped the car off and that she didn't really need it but after my appt. I really just wanted to get on my bike and ride. So, I stopped by her house, left the truck and took my bike on an hour ride through downtown. So, beautiful. I had the same feeling as I did on Monday night as I rode from one of the re-locator's house after having dinner with her at Denny's (which we walked to) and went to Amy's. I had this moment and had I dwelled on it, I really would have said that I am not moving to South East and I'm staying here in this community. I really realized how much I love this place and I am really really going to miss it once I move. ...Anyways, I took my bike back to Amy's house, drove her truck home and as I was walking up the drive way the little girls across the street (who have really befriended us) yelled hi and asked if I could ask their mom if they could play so I did and we ended up chatting for a little bit till Alissa came out and she painted their nails, then we "exercised" by running around the yard, skipping and playing hop-scotch. It was fun.

And now I'm finally writing a post and am headed to bed to read the amazing book that I'm reading right now.

Blessings

It has been quite crazy since my last post. I'll try to remember everything.

-Accident. I totaled my car a week ago last Thursday. I was on the corner, just a parking lot away from my house. I had stopped at a stop sign. The intersection doesn't have a stop. On the right hand corner a bus had stopped to pick up folks and I couldn't see around it. Like an idiot I decided to venture out anyways and I think I accelerated and she nailed me. My car turned from the impact and I was headed towards a wooden electrical pole so I grabbed the steering wheel and jerked it to the left. I ended up onto the sidewalk, my front bumper completely pulled off my car, the right side of my hood smashed in and the right side of my car dented in. I got $225 off it from the Pick-n-pull.
I have decided not to get a car right away unless God provides the money or the car. I'm just using my friend Amy's truck and I'll start using the bus, as well. And my bike, of course.

-Backache. Sadly my back issues have risen up because of the accident. I have 3 slipped discs in my back and now I am really feeling it. So, my chiropractor from Modesto referred me to someone here in F-No. He's a cool guy and he really seems intent on wanting to make me better...let's hope!

-Dumpster-diving. Lauren, Stephanie and I went dumpster diving last night. It was a lot of fun. We finally found the jack pot after 3 stores. Who knew that Trader Joe's would be the place? We found some pre-made salads that still hadn't expired, some beautiful flowers, grapes and bags of salad. Candy: a lot of times stores do throw away things that become inedible because of what else is in the trash but many times they throw away things that can be salvaged. I'm glad I can now officially say I've been dumpster diving :)

Okay, I know there's more but I can't think of anything and I just don't want to write anymore. But I have lots of more in-depth topics to write about.

Blessings!

Wow, this weekend was incredible. I am not going to delve too deeply into it tonight but I do want to jot down the main point.

Imagine coming to a fork in the road, there's a sign and to the left is TRUSTING GOD and to the right is PLEASING GOD. You decide that pleasing God sounds soo much better than just trusting God, because of course you want to make Him happy. As you walk down this path you find yourself at a door. and on the front of the door is a sign that says, STRIVING TO BE ALL GOD WANTS ME TO BE and you think to yourself, 'yes! I want to be all God wants me to be!' and then you notice a sign near the door handle that simply says, EFFORT. So, with all your strength you turn the door knob and enter into a room. You're met by a hostess who welcomes you to the ROOM OF GOOD INTENTIONS and asks you how you're doing. You start to say that you've had a rough last couple of days but before you can finish your sentence she puts her finger to your lips and hands you a mask, as you look around the rest of the room the other people are looking at you, urging you to put on the mask, so with some trepidation you take the mask, put it on and decide to say, 'I'm fine,' soon realizing that life inside this room you WORK ON YOUR SIN TO ACHIEVE AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD but of course this isn't possible, although you try. Every morning you wake with great intentions; today I'm going to read my bible and have quiet time with God, I'm going to clean house and fix a healthy dinner, not get mad at anyone as I drive to school, not get irritated at my friends who are making made choices, etc. but soon you find yourself feeling guilt, disappointment and frustration when you don't end up doing these things and feeling hurt when others are disappointing and frustrating you.

You then remember the other path that you could have taken and you soon leave the room of good intentions and head back to the other path. You walk the TRUSTING GOD path and find yourself standing before another door and this door says LIVING OUT WHO GOD SAYS I AM. That seems much more vague than 'striving to be all God wants me to be' but you know that didn't work for you so you go for the door knob and read HUMILITY. You study the word and it dawns on you that you can't fix your sin, you're a sinner. And you definitely can't hide behind a mask anymore, so with a humble spirit you gently push open the door to find the ROOM OF GRACE. Once again you're met with a hostess and lots of people standing in this room, but they all appear much different, more real somehow. And once again you're asked how you're doing and because you spent so much time in the 'room of good intentions,' right away you say, 'I'm fine,' but instead of an agreeing nod she asks again, 'No, how are you?' Finally you say, 'Okay, no I'm not fine. I am failing in every area of my life. I have too many responsibilities and I am letting everyone around me down. I want to be close to God but it just doesn't seem like anything I do is enough. There, that's how I'm doing. Are you happy?' and you turn to leave but before you do you catch the eyes of the other people in the room and they seem so welcoming and loving and you see the sign on the wall of the room, STANDING WITH GOD, MY SIN IN FRONT OF US, WORKING ON IT TOGETHER and you since God in this room and there's no mask. And you realize this room results in faith, belief and trust in God.

I've decided to live in the ROOM OF GRACE. I'll talk more about what that means in my next post.

I also wanted to share that I finally finished another book.

Pimps, whores and welfare brats
by Star Parker 205 pages.
- This is one of the most conservative autobiographies, or really book, that I've ever read. I read it because Star Parker has been invited by the Pregnancy Care Center to speak to leaders of primarily black churches in Fresno and I am personally inviting pastors to this event and I wanted to know who I was inviting these people to hear from. I mean, her story is pretty impressive it was just hard to sometimes understand where she was coming from. It shall be interesting getting to hear her speak. I'll definitely share more once she comes.

Blessings

I am actually pretty excited about this Valentine's Day. Amy and I are going out tonight. We're going to eat, probably Applebees or something and then off to see the Vagina Monologues, which I am super stoked about. I've heard about them for a long time and heard how hilarious they are but this will be the first time actually getting to see it. But, I really don't feel too bad at all that's it's Valentine's Day, maybe it's because I'm not living on campus where you have to watch couples everywhere you go and here at the house I have 1 roommate with a boyfriend here in town but they left this morning and my other roommate is leaving town to see her boyfriend, plus I went out with several people from the house for breakfast this morning so I guess that's padded the day for me and I feel good :)

And then I'll be headed home. I am hoping that I'll get to visit with Candy for a little bit once I get into Modesto. It doesn't seem like we've talked much lately and that's probably my fault. I've just been really busy. I know she commented that she wanted to talk over a week ago and then I never called her, so I hope this isn't the one night that she goes to bed early. And then this will be my first time seeing Rosanna since this whole Jeff-relationship thing, so that should be interesting.

Oh, my friend Josh is in the hospital :( He goes to concerts a lot and I guess he tried breaking up a fight last night and got hit. I don't know if he passed out or not but he was rushed to the hospital and they think he may have a broken jaw :( Please pray for him! I'll be visiting him on Sun. afternoon.

I think that's all for now.

Blessings

I cannot wait till this weekend. It is going to be soo much fun. This is one of the first times I've really looked forward to Valentine's Day, but really it's not the day I'm looking forward to for it's 'significance' as Valentine's Day, but what I get to do on the day. On Friday, all the girls in the pink house are going to T.G.I Fridays. It'll be a late night because Carlanda and I don't give off work till past 11, but it should be a lot of fun to just hang out outside of the house. Then on Saturday night Amy and I are going to dress up and go out to eat. I'm thinking we'll probably go to AppleBees or something similar and then we're going to see the Vagina Monologues. I've heard about the play but I've never gotten to see it and I think it's completely fitting to see it on Valentine's Day!

I have been soo blessed by Amy's friendship. We are so similar that it's a little creepy. And we're still at that stage where one of us will be talking and the other nods in agreement and we once again find something that we share. It's fun. I'm not really sure if I've mentioned how I met her. She lives in my neighborhood, Lowell. She lives with the Skibbies, (daddy Steve, mama Sheilla, little Katie, baby Weston) who are relocators to Lowell. She came from Kentucky as a missionary here. She moved in last summer and began going to Bethany Inner-city church which is just across the street from the PH and she does food ministry on Tuesdays, plus baby-sits the 2 Skibbie kids during the day, Mon-Fri. which means she doesn't have a lot of friends her own age (she's turning 24 in June). It's kind of blurry how we met exactly. I know we met a couple different times. When I helped Steve interpet for the deaf family down the street was probably the official 'first meeting' and then I remember seeing her again at Nate and Esthers but we never really hit it off or anything and then somehow I became her friend on facebook but I'm not sure how exactly because I think I remember talking to her before adding her and then I ended up talking with her at Bethany inner-city church because I went with Esther and we commented that we should hang out soon so I facebook'ed her and we ended up spending almost all day on a Friday together and that was about 3 weeks ago. Since then we've seen each other every weekend and have decided to begin a bible study together. Like she said last night, God is doing something special (and crazy, I added) in us and it's cool that we get to do it together. We'll be studying the book of Genesis since we both have had some background on dealing with women and their role in the church and in relationships. So, I am super excited!!! Yay for new friends.

Also, this coming weekend I will finally get to go home! I haven't seen my mom in over a month which is really long for my mom and I. I think she's really missing me too so I am going to do my best to spend 1-on-1 time with her but unfortunately I am only there for 2 days. I'll be leaving town after Amy and I are finished hangin out and then I'll leave on Monday night. But, better than nothing. And I am getting a little nervous about finally seeing/talking with Rosanna. It is going to be soo weird if Jeff tries to sit with her when I'm there. I think I've decided to just let what happens, happens. If she makes a point of letting him be around then that's fine and if she wants to spend alone time with me then that's okay too. I am going to be talking to Pastor Chuck, as well. I'm really praying he takes this all seriously because I spoke with him on the phone last weekend and commented that I got ditched by Rosanna on-line for Jeff and he laughed and I, very seriously, commented that it wasn't good. So, I'm hoping he understands that this is personal for me and I am really concerned about this whole situation. Things like this really make me wonder if I should have kids because it will kill me to have to watch them make decisions that could hurt them.

I think that's all for now. I have a busy day ahead of me.

Blessings

Hello folks,

It's been another busy week in the life of Bethany. I am going to try my best to highlight the best parts of my week, starting off on Monday...

On Monday morning it was really nice. I was able to just chill, get my chores done and relax. Then that afternoon I volunteered at the PCC, which was good. And then off to the gym! I have decided, after reading an acquaintance's blog, that I am going to start My Own Biggest Loser. Every 3 weeks I will be reporting my weight on here as a sort of accountability to keep it up. I don't want to give up...or even worse, gain weight! in front of the whole LiveJournal blogging community and whoever else finds my blog. So, here goes:
Starting weight: 240.1
Next weigh-in: February 26th
Good luck to me.

On Tuesday I had school all day and had a  PH meeting. I may talk about that later.

Wednesday I worked my first full day at ESA Love INC. It went really well and I got to sit in on a meeting for Kathy called the City Builders Round Table meeting. It's where all the folks from the ministries in town come together at our office to discuss prayer requests and do some networking. Very cool. And I'm still training on the phones. My next day is next Monday and I may start coming half days on Fridays. 
I also hung out with Kathryn for about an hour and a half, went to Target with her and had dinner. She's having a rough time with her parents divorce and how her mother is coping so please pray for her. And then I headed to the gym and had to run my own errands after that. It was a long day.

Today I was going to wake up early to head to women's bible study in SouthEast but when I laid down at midnight I realized I'd only get to sleep for 5 hours so instead I slept for about 6.5 and didn't go to bible study and instead just rode my bike over to hang out with Amy for about an hour. She's beginning to be a really great friend, someone I think I really need right now. And then I rode over to the PCC for counseling training and got to hear all about abortion.
By the time we were done I got to ride my bike back to the house in the rain. It was fun. And then ate real quick and ran to school. My first class was cancelled which was nice because I turned in my graduation application and then got some reading done. Then I finished up my day of classes and headed home with Carlanda. After dinner I was going to run an errand but instead I ended up stopping at Esther's apartment and stayed and chatted at her place for several hours, which was really good.

And now it's Thursday night and bed time!

Blessings.

Wow, God, thank you for this reminder. I don't even know what to say.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
A heavy girl, perhaps 250 pounds, Evelyn’s greasy, stringy hair only served to accentuate her poor skin. Her weight made her shuffle rather than walk and her head was always bowed, seeking not to offend, avoiding eye contact. At 23, most people her age are very conscious of their appearance, but Evelyn’s wardrobe consisted of thrift store finds and cast offs, leaning heavily toward stretch pants and sweatshirts that advertised events she had never seen and places she would never visit.

It was my second month in Raleigh. I was volunteering with a group that fed the homeless in the park on Sunday when I met her for the first time. She shuffled through the line, mumbling thanks for the watery mashed potatoes and chili-mac, eyes on the ground. Several times I tried to engage her, but between my maleness and her demons, it just was not happening. Like a dog that had been struck once too often, she flinched at contact, muttering secrets only she knew to people only she saw.

When there was an open bed, Evelyn would stay at the woman’s shelter, but more often then not she had to make other arrangements. On cold nights, she would trade sexual favors in exchange for a warm bed. To pick up spending money, she would give men oral sex for $5. Because of her weight and mental issues, often the promise of a warm bed was revoked, or the money not paid after the oral sex had been given. Several people later told me Evelyn was often sexually assaulted and raped, unable to resist her attackers.

The last time I saw her was on a Thursday in early November. I remember it was inordinately cold that day, with a sharp, piercing wind.. Evelyn shuffled down the sidewalk, huddled down into her jacket, oblivious to my wave, ignoring me when I called.

That night Evelyn made it into the women’s shelter. In here she could sleep, secure in the knowledge she was safe. In the night Evelyn died of complications from sleep apnea. At age 23, she was another statistic of life, and death, on the streets.

* * * *

I told Evelyn’s story in a church once, and when I was finished they prayed fervent prayers that Evelyn would be at peace in the loving arms of Jesus. They prayed that those who would injure and molest women like Evelyn would be caught and punished. They prayed for God’s kingdom to come and for shalom to rest on our city.

At the end of the talk, a lady came up to me, obviously moved by my story and asked me the question I dread most: “How could God have allowed this to happen to Evelyn? Was this all part of God’s plan?”

If you spend much time working in the inner-city, you try not to ask yourself those kind of questions–not because you don’t know what the answer is, but because you do. Because if you think about it too much you get mad and because if you tell people the answer, you will not be invited back.

What I wanted to tell that lady, but did not, was God did have a plan to take care of Evelyn; God’s plan was us. God’s plan was to put us here to be his hands and feet. We are to show mercy, to love justice. We are to show mercy, as he is merciful. We are to feed those who are hungry, with the assurance that when we do, we are doing it to, and not just for, Jesus himself.

I wanted to tell that lady God did have a plan and we screwed it up. I wanted to tell her that it is not we who are waiting on God, but rather God who is waiting on us and that what Evelyn really had needed was not this lady’s prayers but a safe place to sleep at night. What I wanted to tell that lady, but didn’t, is that it is very obvious that we have the resources to help invisible people just like Evelyn but we simply lack the will to do so.

I did not tell that church lady any of that. But often I wish I had.

Author Bio:: Hugh Hollowell is an embedded missionary to the homeless and very poor of Raleigh, North Carolina, where he lives with a temperamental cat named Felix and tries to prove that Love Wins.

I have a very HUGE praise report. I asked you all to pray for Mary in my last blog. Tuesday morning she had surgery to put in a heart catheter and she did very very well!! Praise be to our Almighty God!! The doctor had also thought she might have a bad valve but when they got in there all was fine and dandy! I'm so excited and happy. God is sooo good!

Last night I had my first introduction to the folks I'll be living with for 10 months! 4 people couldn't make it but I met George (I had actually met him before because he goes to City and is part of IV so he went to Catalina with us. He's pretty outspoken and has lived in inner city Fresno all of his life so I think he'll be able to give us a very personal reflection of what it's like to live in the inner city), Carlanda (she's african american and very pretty. She seems to enjoy her clothes and shoes a lot so that'll be interesting. It always makes me interested when people come in with such outward signs of materialism and how the teaching and hands on experience of living in the inner city and reading what God has to say about such things, will change her perspective), Allysa (she seems very much like me...plus she knows sign language. She's white and seems shy. She used to live in Ohio and now lives here and wants to impact the inner city kids she wants to teach. I'm excited about getting to know her better.) Stephanie (ironically she and I went on an urban plunge last semester together and lo and behold, she walks into the pink house! Plus, we're roommates!), Arturo (He's been all over the place and looks like your typical thug...baseball cap, long shirt, baggy pants but I think I'm really going to like him. Beth asked us what we're expecting from our 10 months in the PH and he said that he knows this is going to be really hard on him and that he had REALLY prayed for discernment about his decision to join and that now that he's here he's getting nervous. He seemed very real and transparent. I like that). That's all of the ones that could make it. There's also 2 more girls and then a married couple, as well.

I left the meeting feeling very overwhelmed but still very excited about what God has in store for us.

Moving on to another subject. I talked with Mark (my friend I've mentioned a couple of times) today. Last weekend I went to visit friends in the hills and while coming back to Fresno I felt God just bringing Mark to mind so I prayed for him and his boys (he has 2 boys. I can't remember their exact ages but they're both under 13) and then I texted Mark to let him know I was thinkin about him. That doesn't seem like a big deal but it really was. We've been talking at least for 4 years now online but I've never texted him, let alone called him on the phone. He's wanted to but I've just never felt comfortable enough. So, today we were talking on-line and he mentioned it and said that he wasn't expecting it. The conversation then transitioned to talking about our relationship and it ended up him telling me that I can't be loved if I won't accept the offer of love given to me. Sometimes I hate when God uses other people to point out some things that need to be dealt with.

I think I'm a really loving person and a very un-conditonally loving person. I just really love people and I'm the type of person who could meet you once and care about you for forever. I remember this guy who started coming to our church. His name was Jay and I found out his story later but he had 2 teenagers and he and his wife were separated. He didn't want a divorce but I think she had some mental issues. Anyways, I would start conversations with him at church and soon I was asking him to play his guitar for me during a teen revival. He ended up leaving our church but I truly loved him and there's been a lot of instances of that. Just like my friends up north...people are amazed that 1 week after I met them I was back up there to perform at a funeral for one of the men of the church. I'm just like that. But it's not so easy for me in relationships between me and someone who could eventually be my husband. I haven't had much dating experience...okay, actually pretty much one and that was with the guy I dated last year and that was for 3 months, long distance and he only wanted sex, ultimately.

I think I really have an issue with my self-esteem. I know God made me the way I am and that He loves and treasures me and thinks I'm beautiful but God is not the men that go to my college or the men who I can randomly meet on the street. And it's hard for me to believe that the men in the church are any different. They should be different...they shouldn't care about looks or the size breasts you have and they should be more willing to get to know you, how God created you as a woman but my experiences have left me sadly frustrated. So, I'm left wondering how a man could like me when he's only seen a couple of pictures of me and has talked with me for a few years. Sitting here writing this it seems obvious...He must truly like you if he's stayed around this long and has kept pursuing you...even if that just means being online and willing to talk and not giving up on me.

I guess I write all of this just to try to get my emotions and feelings worked out. Try to make some sense of all of this. And he ended up calling me...just if you're wondering. Today, actually. It felt good.

Blessings.

I am now out of the dorms and living with my good friends Amy and Daniel. I will post pictures of their house soon. It's really cute and very homey. Even before I moved in and would come to visit I always felt at home and Daniel and Amy somehow create community in their home. They've already had about 3 people come in and out of their house to live for awhile and they've only been living here for a little over a year. But I am super excited that I'm living here now. My room is mostly put together but I want to try to limit how much stuff I have...because...

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE PINK HOUSE!! This morning I woke up and started doing some job searching online and I went to check my email and saw one from the director of the PH. Before I even opened it I just prayed for God's will to be done and opened it, scanned it and praised GOD!! I am soo thrilled. And tomorrow night we're meeting with the others who were accepted to have our first meeting. I am really excited to see what kinds of people will be living in the PH with me. I'll write all about it! I want to document everything about this experience. I am seriously soo blessed!!

I also have a prayer request for a very dear friend of mine. One of my friends up north is Richard. He's probably in his late 50s or so and he's been like a dad to me since I met him. He knows sign language and is now teaching a class at our church and taking some college sign classes. He's a great guy and loves to take me on motorcycle rides, and he says I have a bottom lip that could trip a pig...when he says he won't take me on a ride I get a bit pouty :)  Anyways, his wife Mary has been sick lately and no one really knows what's wrong except that everything is wrong with her. Well, on Sunday she went into the hospital with chest pains and tomorrow morning she'll be going into surgery for a heart catheter. Please pray for her, Richard and the family. I really wish I could be up there with them.

I could write a whole lot more but for some reason I just don't want to...so I'll write more later.

Blessings

Tomorrow morning is my interview for the Pink House. I am praying Psalms 37.4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. I really really want this. I want to live in the inner-city of Fresno and learn about urban development and God's heart for justice and racial reconciliation. I feel like this is the desire of my heart, but I also realize that God grants the desires of our hearts that are HIS desires, so I am praying this is the desire that he wants for me! So, please pray for me.

 

Wow, so I feel like I have A LOT to write about. I've really been wanting to just sit down and write and everytime I think about it something else takes up my time. Last Tuesday's Encounter was amazing! We had staff from Cal Poly come over. Her name is Jessica and she's really cool. Two years ago when I went to Guatemala our team went to this thing called STIM (Students Training In Missions) and she was there leading a group to Bosnia. And she and her husband have been to a lot of the conferences that we all go together but I had only heard her talk a couple of times at STIM about missions so it was really exciting to hear her actually give a talk. She spoke on guilt and shame and God just completely used her to talk straight to my heart and helped me to realize that there's some guilt and shame in my heart over some things I've done and I need to let God work in that and get it out because he can still use me in my brokenness. 

I also had two group presentations last weekend. The first was on Monday in my Social Work class. My group gave a half an hour presentation on immigration. It was really good and I think we aced it. And then on Thursday my friend and I gave a presentation on the sounds /f/ and /v/. Sounds exciting, huh? :)  It's a speech class for deaf children so each team was given a sound and then we had to talk about its' specific acoustic characteristics, how to make that sound in the mouth, how to teach it to kids, etc. I think we did pretty good. It was just a little, short 10 minute powerpoint presenation. 

Let's see...what else? I finished reading The Kingdom of God is a party by Tony Campolo. It was really good. He talks about how as Christians we should creat celebrations wherever we are. And I think it was really important that he talks about how people get offended when he talks about the Kingdom of God as a party but that's because those people are thinking of party in the world's standards but God's standards of a party are completely different. It's a definite must read!

And I'm also really proud of something I bought. My best friend's mom gave me a $20 gift card to Borders and I bought Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest. It's a sort of devotional. For every day of the year he's taken a verse or two and wrote his own thoughts on it. It's soo good! I'll share today's verse and some of the things he says. John 14.9, "Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known me, Philip?" I won't write everything Oswald says but some things are, "We look for God to exhibit Himself to His children, but God only exhibits Himself in His children...The very questions we ask hurt Jesus, because they are not the questions of a child...Realize that the Lord is here now, and the freedom you recieve is immediate." 

The weekend was good too, but I definitely didn't get the sleep I needed. Friday morning I worked at the kettle corn booth for Vintage Days. Vintage Days is a big fair sorta thing that Fresno State does every year and IV works at the a booth to raise money. And that night I hung out with Daniel and Amy and watched some 24. Saturday I worked at the booth again in the morning and then that afternoon I went to this Earth Day seminar on 'cohousing' with a friend who had to go for extra credit for her ecology class. It was interesting but I was really hungry and starting to get a headache so I was glad when I ran into another friend who was headed back to state and caught a ride with her. That afternoon I actually ended up taking a nap and then hanging out with some IV folks that night. We ended up going to Tacos, Tijuana (yummy yummy tacos) and then ended our night at Teazers. Sunday church was good but I had a HUGE scare that afternoon. I had decided to work on my Pink House application (I don't know if I've mentioned it but I'm applying to stay a year in a pink house in downtown Fresno to volunteer with an organization in downtown and learn about community and urban development) and for some reason I decided to check on the turn-in date which I thought was the 28th...turns out that it was due the 20th which was that day! UGH! So, I emailed the director and told her I had completely screwed up the turn-in date and asked if it'd be okay to turn the application in through email and then send a hard copy Monday (today). And then realized she probably wouldn't check her email since it's Sunday so I just finished the application and turned it in through email and prayed! But, PRAISE GOD! I heard back from her today and she said it was no problem! YAY! So, this week I'll be having an interview with her so please pray for me! 

Okay, I think that's a long enough update for now. I hope everyone is doing great!!

Blessings!