beth0329

Hello folks,

It's been another busy week in the life of Bethany. I am going to try my best to highlight the best parts of my week, starting off on Monday...

On Monday morning it was really nice. I was able to just chill, get my chores done and relax. Then that afternoon I volunteered at the PCC, which was good. And then off to the gym! I have decided, after reading an acquaintance's blog, that I am going to start My Own Biggest Loser. Every 3 weeks I will be reporting my weight on here as a sort of accountability to keep it up. I don't want to give up...or even worse, gain weight! in front of the whole LiveJournal blogging community and whoever else finds my blog. So, here goes:
Starting weight: 240.1
Next weigh-in: February 26th
Good luck to me.

On Tuesday I had school all day and had a  PH meeting. I may talk about that later.

Wednesday I worked my first full day at ESA Love INC. It went really well and I got to sit in on a meeting for Kathy called the City Builders Round Table meeting. It's where all the folks from the ministries in town come together at our office to discuss prayer requests and do some networking. Very cool. And I'm still training on the phones. My next day is next Monday and I may start coming half days on Fridays. 
I also hung out with Kathryn for about an hour and a half, went to Target with her and had dinner. She's having a rough time with her parents divorce and how her mother is coping so please pray for her. And then I headed to the gym and had to run my own errands after that. It was a long day.

Today I was going to wake up early to head to women's bible study in SouthEast but when I laid down at midnight I realized I'd only get to sleep for 5 hours so instead I slept for about 6.5 and didn't go to bible study and instead just rode my bike over to hang out with Amy for about an hour. She's beginning to be a really great friend, someone I think I really need right now. And then I rode over to the PCC for counseling training and got to hear all about abortion.
By the time we were done I got to ride my bike back to the house in the rain. It was fun. And then ate real quick and ran to school. My first class was cancelled which was nice because I turned in my graduation application and then got some reading done. Then I finished up my day of classes and headed home with Carlanda. After dinner I was going to run an errand but instead I ended up stopping at Esther's apartment and stayed and chatted at her place for several hours, which was really good.

And now it's Thursday night and bed time!

Blessings.

-Baby Brayden made a complete turn around and is doing much better. He is still going to need several surgeries but he isn't dying!

-I told my mom about my potential move to Oklahoma.

-I told my mom about not really wanting to get my masters in Social Work.

-I told my mom instead that I want to get a degree in urban ministry and the school that offers that is in Washington, but that it might be online so I could live anywhere to do it.

-My mom was silent.

-My mom ranted for a good 15-20 minutes about my loans and how much money I have to pay back because of school.

-Now I am prepping myself for the talk that I'll need to have with her about this whole decision process not being easy for me either and that I want to be able to be honest with her, etcetera etcetera etcetera.

-I am done with 40 hours weekends but I already have a new shift, Sat. and Sun; 8-11am, 8-11pm. So, no going home for me for awhile.

-I am definitely ready for school to be over.

So, I have a few minutes that I don't really need to be doing anything that's really important so I'm going to take this opportunity to write down a few thoughts.

My 40 hour weekends are over! That's a definite plus. On Friday when I went to the office to get the house key for my client my boss said that she had already found someone to take my place and that I could work on Sat. and Sun. morning for the client I took care of last week for a couple of days. But, I am hoping to get the weekend off. My friend Coco had a baby about 2 months ago. He was born with Vater Syndrome which is a rare syndrome and there still not sure what causes it. After some research it appears to be genetic but many babies are born with Vaters from diabetic mothers. This syndrome is also know as Vacterl association and Vacterl is an acronym for V-vertebral anomalies A- anal atresia C-cardiovascular anomalies T-tracheoesophageal fistula E- esophageal atresia R-renal (kidney) anomalies. My friend's baby, Brayden suffers from cardiovascular anomalies, he has a hole in his heart, anal atresia, he was born without an anus. And he suffers from renal anomalies because his urninary plumbing isn't all correct so his urine backs up into his kidneys causing massive urinary tract infections. About 2 or 3 weeks ago I got to go and visit him for the very first time. He's a gorgeous little baby. He seemed really fine to me, he wasn't too tiny and he was really cute. He has a colostomy bag that is attached to his little side since he doesn't have an anus. Because he can't expel gas by himself his mom has to help him by letting the air out of his colostomy bag. It's quite ingenious. But, of course while I was there I got a picture of him so here is little baby BRAYDEN!
( Beautiful Baby Brayden )
And now this beautiful baby is dying. He is now non-responsive and it appears that there's some neurological issues going on. He and his family are at the Oakland hospital. Both his mom and grandma are not doing well. I spoke to Terri (his grandma) last night and she said, "I wish this would have never happened." I am praying that whatever happens (whether God heals him here on Earth or takes him home) that they will see His plan in this. He is a mighty God and it would be easy to blame Him for taking this baby out of this world but as I see it, it's a blessing. He had a lot of issues and would have spent many many months in hospitals...but I also know that if God decides to heal his little body right here on Earth, then He can do that too and Brayden will be able to do just fine going through surgeries (if need be).

I just hope I can make it home next weekend! For those of you who believe in the power of prayer- Please pray for this family!

Shalom.

I've really been wanting to write because I have stuff to say but now that I've waited so long I'll probably forget some stuff or get tired of writing and quit before I've said all that I want to say. But, let's see how it goes...

So, last week I wrote that I didn't think I'd find out anything about a job till this week. Or maybe I didn't...but anyways I thought I'd know about the Senior Helpers job by Thursday well then I called and she said not till next week. I talked to Mark and he reminded me that I want what God wants for me and not just some job. So, I spent Thursday praying and I decided to go to another senior care place to get an application but for some reason I didn't end up filling it out and I had decided to go home Thursday night to spend some time with Candy before she leaves for Japan. And I was praying that I'd have a job by this week and then I probably wouldn't be able to be so flexible with my schedule. So, anyways on Friday I was at Candy's visiting with her parents before we left and I get this call from Senior Helpers with a job offer! God is soo good!! Even when his kids are impatient!

My first day was today! I work 7 days a week, 8-10pm (I'll talk about my mom's response to this later in the blog). The lady I'm serving, Helen, is well into her 90s. I found out after I met her daughter and son-in-law that she has a terminal illness. I think I realized tonight how much this job is going to affect me. I almost cried when I watched her husband interact with her. He's very spry, although he's probably just as old as she is. But he's spunky and I think he's probably been taking care of her up until now and is realizing he can't do anything else and that eventually he's going to lose her. I can only imagine what that must feel like, especially for a couple who's probably been together well over 50 years. Even the way he touches her is still loving and sweet. Like I mentioned the daughter was there and you could tell right away that she treats them both like children. When I got there she was sharing pictures on her lap top. She and her husband just moved to Nevada in the past few months and I think once they got the news that her mom had cancer they came to help plans care arrangements and all that. And Helen's husband confessed to me that he thought she was enjoying it more than they were :)  He's super cute. And even the tone of her voice was very...I don't know how to describe it. I just wanted to tell her that they're still grown adults and deserve to be treated as such. And she really wanted her dad to stop working so hard around the house. Even while I was there he was up emptying the trash, running the dishwasher, etc. and I just thought, that's how he's getting through this. He needs to keep busy because if he doesn't all he'll have to do is sit and think about the pain his wife is going through dying with a disease/illness that he doesn't understand and can't fix. I think this job is going to be really emotionally draining but I really hope to encourage these folks, even if it's just cleaning up their house or helping to put Helen to bed. Please pray for this family.

On Sunday my friend Roxie came into town so I left Modesto by 1 and I called Mark on my drive down. It was our first long phone conversation, it lasted almost as long as it took me to drive to Fresno- an hour and 45 minutes. I was wondering if we'd ever have conversations longer than a few minutes and lo and behold, we did. It was really good, although parts of it were harder for me to hear than other parts. We talked about lots of different things but 1 thing that really hit me hard was when he told me that I have insecurities and that really it's not that I'm a people pleaser (I was telling him that I don't like letting people down so I try to make them all happy by not doing anything that'll upset anyone- like my mom or friends) but that I don't trust myself to make my own decisions so I let others do it for me and that is really hard for God to use me when I'm like that. I knew he was right so that's what made it hard to hear. I could have made up some dumb excuse or tried to argue but deep down I know that is the real issue. He asked what I'm doing about it and I know I've definitely made progress since I was in high school and I did accept a 7 days a week job and I am going to live in a pink house for a year doing urban ministry and I'm working with old people instead of substituting teaching that would pay $100 a day.

Which brings me to my mom...I was seriously soo frustrated at her Saturday morning. My church ladies are having a big yard sale next weekend and all the proceeds go to missions so I wanted to get some stuff together to send with my mom. Well, she starts freaking out saying that I'm getting rid of all these memories but that "it's your stuff. do whatever you want with it." I had told her that I just really want to get rid of all my material possessions. I mean, I don't want to get rid of EVERYTHING. But come on, I do not need stuffed toys from my birth or figurines that just collect dust. I want to live simply and I can't do that with a bunch of crap. Anyways, at one point she goes, "well you need to tell people who buy you things that you just want useful stuff." and I go, "well, yea they should know that." and she goes, " you know, people don't know you as well as you think (and then the real clincher) I don't even think I know you sometimes." Hello, Guilt Trip! Ironically enough I heard a message this morning on the radio that I soo wished my mom could have heard, all about letting your kids go and that they won't leave you forever. The pastor also helped me to realize something...when the kids finally leave the nest parents are mourning a loss of a relationship. Of course, their new relationship, one that involves some distance and less every day encounters, may be a good one and even better but the old relationship is still going to be felt as a loss and I think that maybe my mom is going through that. She liked what we used to have and me being away means I'm making a life for myself that doesn't involve her participation 24/7. So, please pray for us.

Ok, I think that's enough for now. I'm exhausted.

Blessings

I'm waiting for a call from the Senior Helpers place. The lady who interviewed me said that Thursdays are orientation day and I had my interview Tuesday. She said she wanted to call my references and that I should hear back from them by Thursday so I'm assuming that means I'll hear from her today. Let's all pray!!

I'm really depressed today. I checked my grades for the semester :(  They suck. I really should have tried harder. I got a D in one of my major classes and I'm worried I'm going to have to do it again. I don't think you can graduate with a D in one of your major classes :(  But, thankfully it won't be that big of a deal because I thought I was going to take a semester off in the Spring and apply for graduation in the fall. So, I'd "graduate" in December and then walk in May with everyone else but instead if I can't have a D and have to re-do the class then I'll just apply for graduation in Spring and walk in May still. But still I know my mom will be a little disappointed. She's pretty good about not giving me a bad time and actually, I don't think she's ever even asked about my grades until someone else brings it up but I'm mad at myself more than anyone else could be :(  My other grades weren't so good either...except Social Work. I got an A in that class but that's only because I really really loved that class. So, yea. I'm sad.

I'd also like you all to pray for my friend Mark. He's just havin a rough time right now. I don't need to get into it all. God knows what's going on and He knows the plans He has for Mark and his boys. But, I really wish I could do something but that's a little hard from all the way here. So, please pray that I can think of ways to encourage him and be a friend right now. I don't like seeing people down and discouraged and it's even worse when I feel like I'm helpless and can't do anything.

Blessings.