beth0329

I have been busy. Nothing unusual there, I guess. My weekend was full. I headed home on Thursday and spent some time with the bestie and with my mom. On Friday I spent the day running some errands and got to have a face-to-face meeting with Marvin. He's a really nice guy. We met at Burger King and then he drove me over to the ministry houses. I'll just say it now...In about 12 days I will be at 512. It's a house on the west side of Modesto. There is a girl's house, 512 and a guy's house, 511. There is already 2 gals living in my house, neither of which are sold out for the urban ministry thing and then there's 2 guys in the other house. Devin is another not sold out person but Kevin is totally into the urban ministry aspect, has a heart for the poor and LOVES the kids in the neighborhood, which is really cool. Marvin also just told me some history about the house. My house actually has a basement that he wants to renovate, so that's really cool. There's a lot of room down there so we could do SO much stuff for the neighborhood. One of my goals in moving in is to begin helping to develop a similar model in Fresno in Modesto. So, it will be liking developing a Pink House in Modesto. I am really excited about it and also a little overwhelmed, but I think it's going to be amazing.

Then my uncle came into town on Saturday afternoon and got to come to my graduation party. It turned out soo great. Lots of folks ended up coming to the party. I just love spending time with people I love so it was soo good. Even Candy and Kim showed up which was really cool and totally unexpected. I will hopefully post pictures sometime in the near future. Then my uncle and I stole away while my mom and a couple friends cleaned up and went and had coffee. It was soo nice just being able to spend time with my uncle, just me and him. It made up for not having my dad there a little bit. Then my mom and I dragged my uncle to another graduation party, it was for Charlie, Rosanna's little sister. She graduation from high school. We had a lot of fun. It's kinda nice when you're not the star of the party and can just sit there and enjoy yourself, instead of getting up and down and talking to everyone. We all enjoyed ourselves. Then that night my uncle just spent the night at my house so we all just sat in the living room telling stories and laughing...a lot. I don't think I laughed so much over the weekend as I did with my uncle. It was so much fun.

On Sunday I ditched church and my uncle and I drove up to the mountains. Really it wasn't to go anywhere, just to be together. We pigged out at Applebee's and laughed a whole lot, got lost and found our way again with his GPS. It was so much fun. He headed back to Oklahoma on Monday morning and that day I met up with Kevin at 512 and got to know him a little better. He also took me to Tapestry, the high school group connected with YFC. And I also spent some time with Candy that night. It was a long day but pretty productive.

Now I'm back in Fresno for my last 2 weeks before moving back to Modesto. Last night was our last official Pink House meeting. Next Tues. will just be a celebration party and then people will begin moving out :(   I am really going to miss this place, this house and these people. I know I am going to be super busy right after moving out so I probably won't mind too much but I know there will be some point in the near future when I will grieve leaving. It may very well be the same day I move out. God did a whole lot in me in the past 10 months being here. But, I will leave that for a later post.

I should get off here and stop myself before I start down memory lane.

Shalom

I got another book done. I didn't realize it but Crank was just the first book in a type of series. The writer, Ellen Hopkins is writing from her experiences as a mother of a girl who gets into meth so the book I just finished is more of the story and I'm assuming that the 2 other books written by her are probably along the same lines.

Glass by Ellen Hopkins 681 pages

Lots of stuff has been going on but I don't really know where to start. And I find that I get into funks where I just don't want to have to type it all out. But, let's see. School is slowly coming to an end. We have the rest of this week, next week is dead days and then finals. Kinda crazy. I'm also doing some research into either getting my EMT license this summer or becoming a nurse's aid. I looked into Shasta College (Redding) and both classes are full but I could get onto the waiting list but that seems risky. Next I am going to look into Fresno City College and Modesto JC. And I guess whichever one has openings is where I'll be staying for the summer. But, I just have this inkling that no matter what I'll probably end up back in Modesto...but I would love to go with some certainty of a job. But, we'll see what happens. I've really just decided to let God handle it, He knows what He's doing...Thank Him!

I'm also planning a graduation party at the end of the month. Instead of walking the stage I'm just going to have a get together at my church in Modesto. It'll be from 2-4 on a Saturday so I'm just going to have appetizers and dessert and people can come and go as they please. Nothing formal or anything.

It doesn't look like my dad is coming, although he still hasn't admitted that to me so I'm still holding out some hope. I don't know if I've written all about that, but I don't think I have. Right after Easter my uncle and I talked and he told me that he was going to be the only one who was going to be coming to my grad party. I talked to my dad a few times since then and he hasn't even mentioned the party so I'll be sending him an invitation and we'll see if he talks to me about it. But the Wed. after talking to my uncle I got a good word at my church in Modesto. I won't write down all the details, but I will share the verse that impacted me so:

Isaiah 36.41
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I am going to love my dad until I can't love him anymore, then God will renew my love for him and I will love him even more. On my own strength I can't love my dad. He's let me down many many times. He's continually pushed me out of his life...but God desires soo much more for our relationship and I am excited about the ways God is going to grow me and my dad and I through this. Amen!

Alright, Pink House meeting tonight...on Immigration! 

Blessings!

I cannot wait till this weekend. It is going to be soo much fun. This is one of the first times I've really looked forward to Valentine's Day, but really it's not the day I'm looking forward to for it's 'significance' as Valentine's Day, but what I get to do on the day. On Friday, all the girls in the pink house are going to T.G.I Fridays. It'll be a late night because Carlanda and I don't give off work till past 11, but it should be a lot of fun to just hang out outside of the house. Then on Saturday night Amy and I are going to dress up and go out to eat. I'm thinking we'll probably go to AppleBees or something similar and then we're going to see the Vagina Monologues. I've heard about the play but I've never gotten to see it and I think it's completely fitting to see it on Valentine's Day!

I have been soo blessed by Amy's friendship. We are so similar that it's a little creepy. And we're still at that stage where one of us will be talking and the other nods in agreement and we once again find something that we share. It's fun. I'm not really sure if I've mentioned how I met her. She lives in my neighborhood, Lowell. She lives with the Skibbies, (daddy Steve, mama Sheilla, little Katie, baby Weston) who are relocators to Lowell. She came from Kentucky as a missionary here. She moved in last summer and began going to Bethany Inner-city church which is just across the street from the PH and she does food ministry on Tuesdays, plus baby-sits the 2 Skibbie kids during the day, Mon-Fri. which means she doesn't have a lot of friends her own age (she's turning 24 in June). It's kind of blurry how we met exactly. I know we met a couple different times. When I helped Steve interpet for the deaf family down the street was probably the official 'first meeting' and then I remember seeing her again at Nate and Esthers but we never really hit it off or anything and then somehow I became her friend on facebook but I'm not sure how exactly because I think I remember talking to her before adding her and then I ended up talking with her at Bethany inner-city church because I went with Esther and we commented that we should hang out soon so I facebook'ed her and we ended up spending almost all day on a Friday together and that was about 3 weeks ago. Since then we've seen each other every weekend and have decided to begin a bible study together. Like she said last night, God is doing something special (and crazy, I added) in us and it's cool that we get to do it together. We'll be studying the book of Genesis since we both have had some background on dealing with women and their role in the church and in relationships. So, I am super excited!!! Yay for new friends.

Also, this coming weekend I will finally get to go home! I haven't seen my mom in over a month which is really long for my mom and I. I think she's really missing me too so I am going to do my best to spend 1-on-1 time with her but unfortunately I am only there for 2 days. I'll be leaving town after Amy and I are finished hangin out and then I'll leave on Monday night. But, better than nothing. And I am getting a little nervous about finally seeing/talking with Rosanna. It is going to be soo weird if Jeff tries to sit with her when I'm there. I think I've decided to just let what happens, happens. If she makes a point of letting him be around then that's fine and if she wants to spend alone time with me then that's okay too. I am going to be talking to Pastor Chuck, as well. I'm really praying he takes this all seriously because I spoke with him on the phone last weekend and commented that I got ditched by Rosanna on-line for Jeff and he laughed and I, very seriously, commented that it wasn't good. So, I'm hoping he understands that this is personal for me and I am really concerned about this whole situation. Things like this really make me wonder if I should have kids because it will kill me to have to watch them make decisions that could hurt them.

I think that's all for now. I have a busy day ahead of me.

Blessings

-Baby Brayden made a complete turn around and is doing much better. He is still going to need several surgeries but he isn't dying!

-I told my mom about my potential move to Oklahoma.

-I told my mom about not really wanting to get my masters in Social Work.

-I told my mom instead that I want to get a degree in urban ministry and the school that offers that is in Washington, but that it might be online so I could live anywhere to do it.

-My mom was silent.

-My mom ranted for a good 15-20 minutes about my loans and how much money I have to pay back because of school.

-Now I am prepping myself for the talk that I'll need to have with her about this whole decision process not being easy for me either and that I want to be able to be honest with her, etcetera etcetera etcetera.

-I am done with 40 hours weekends but I already have a new shift, Sat. and Sun; 8-11am, 8-11pm. So, no going home for me for awhile.

-I am definitely ready for school to be over.

 I am super excited today because my very good friends from up north are coming to visit me. They are actually coming to Fresno to attend some seminar on marriage and love or whatever but since I'm here they're coming early to see me :) Paul is my pastor and his wife Shelley, they're amazing people and some of my very best friends. Yesterday was so strange and ugh that I'm really excited about their visit and I think I just need to talk and they're great listeners. Especially since the past two days has been kinda weird between my friend Candy and I. I don't know exactly why but yea, so I'm just really happy my friends are coming.

And, thankfully my dad and I talked last night. We didn't really talk for very long but it was just good to hear his voice. Since our big, strange dilemma it seems like we haven't really talked very often or for very long. I know he's working a lot and I have seriously been so busy that it just doesn't seem like I can sit down and call him to actually talk for a significant amount of time. But it seemed like he wanted to talk so perhaps this weekend I'll be able to get some time to call him and catch him up on everything. It's usually me doing all the talking during our conversations but I'm okay with that, as long as he's there and listening. 

I listen to country music and I really don't know why because sometimes I really despise the topics they sing about; like drinking because your girlfriend left you or the fact that you've got some woman in your sink with nothing on but a cowboy hat. I mean come on, that's ridiculous. Yet, I still listen to it and I can admit that there are some really great country music songs out there that aren't all about women and drinking. So, back onto the subject at hand; there's this newer song called "stealing cinderella" http://youtube.com/watch?v=HtOy8R01fTA    It makes me sad and frustrated every single time I listen to it and just today did I hear the end of it because usually I turn the station once I realize what song it is but today I turned it on as the song was ending. You see, the reason it makes me frustrated/sad is because I'll never have that. My dad decided not to come after me when I was 3 and my parents divorced. He allowed my mom to take me a few hundred thousand miles away and never decided that he wanted to get to know his first (and only) daughter. So, because of that I never got to dance with him, never had the opportunity to play with him as I grew up. He didn't get to meet my first boyfriend and have the "you'd better take care of her and get her home by 9" talk. It might sound after reading all that that I'm angry at him and maybe even hate him. But I don't.  I've actually completely forgiven him and he still asks why and how I've done that. But, the thing I'm getting at here is that that song just really makes me sad that I've missed out on all that and that country music doesn't help to make me feel any better. I've come to realize that country music really paints this great picture of what love and relationships are all about but it isn't real. Not all dads act like the men represented in county music and life isn't all about whiskey and women, either. But, obviously we like it or it wouldn't still be around. 

Anyways, I'm observing lent this year. I was having dinner with some friends in the beginning of the week and I asked my friend Noemi if she were observing lent and she said she was. I know I've heard of Lent and I've got a friend who tries to observe it every year but I was a little confused about the complete meaning. Like, I realize that our catholic friends observe Lent and it's a time to draw closer to God by sacrificing something but I thought it was interesting that my friend also brought up that it's also a time to take something to the cross. For instance, I'm abstaining from the consumptioin of soda and my friend (and I agree) thinks that lent is a time to consciously not do something. So, when I walk into the cafeteria and see the soda machine and get that craving for a glass that's the time to take it to the cross and ask Jesus for strength. I think I knew that but I just thought it was important to remember that this is an important thing, lent isn't just a time to lose some weight by not eating or drinking something but is a serious time to draw closer to God. So, no soda for 40 days and 40 nights. Prayer would be appreciated.

Ok, I think that's enough for now. My friends should be here soon. 

Blessings!

So tomorrow...or today, rather will be my first day at The Grove. I'm really excited but I'm also pretty nervous. I'm nervous because this will be the first time that I'll be going to a church where I won't know anyone, besides the pastor and his family. I just realize that this is going to be my home and I'm sure everyone will be nice and all but still, it's a little nerve wracking. But despite that, I'm really excited. I haven't actually heard Sam preach a sermon yet so I'm looking forward to that and it'll just be great to see them again. I'm a little bummed though I'm finally going to the church this Sunday and then I'm going to have to tell them that I won't see them for the next 3 Sundays! Next Sunday I'll be leaving for Catalina...the Sunday after that is Easter and I'm going home and then the following Sunday is my birthday weekend and I'm headed up North with my mom to spend my birthday with our family up there! 
But I am soo super excited about that because I haven't been up there for over 3 months now! So, it'll be soo fun and I've been promised a good long motorcycle ride so I'm thrilled! :) 
And then last night my dad and I had a good long talk and he brought up my birthday and asked what I wanted (this will be the first birthday gift I've gotten from him in 18 years) so I think he'll be sending me a gift card to a bookstore, what more could I want?! :) 
I still think my mom is trying to process the fact that I'm not at home. She called me Friday afternoon and asked, "Since you're not coming home, what are you doing this weekend?" Her way of guilting me a little but still being nice. And she's called me several times in the last couple of days, acting like she's got to ask me something but really I think she just wanted to talk with me. I don't think she realizes that she'll be seeing me for the next 3 Sundays in a row. But April is really going to be hard on her, that's when she'll really have to realize that I'm not coming home so often. But, please just continue to pray for her...and me. So far this has been great and I got to spend most of the weekend with my friend Roxie but I know there'll be some weekends where I'll be more alone and will be confronted with the fact that I'm not going home. 

Okay, I'd better get to bed so I'll be ready for church in the mornin! :)