beth0329

I can't believe it's already April. This year is seriously going by way too fast. At the end of May I'll be graduating and then only a few more weeks after that I'll be moving out of the Pink House. Crazy. And then today was a flurry of future excitement. I heard from Andrew Marin, as I mentioned in my last post and then I met with Nick Jones from CareFresno this afternoon. There's an apartment in South East, the same apartments I've been interested in, that CareFresno has spoke to and their opening up a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment free to anyone who wants to do ministry there. I am so STOKED! God is soo good. I seriously have been meaning to look into this since October but continually put it off and instead of just leaving me in the dust, God just takes up the mantle and insures that I do His will. He seriously blows my mind! Now I am just really going to be praying about the folks at my church and their willingness to join me in this venture. Nick said that it would be good to have 2-3 volunteers each day of the week that I do the after school program. That seems like quite a few people and lots of commitment! Please join me in pray.

Oh, and guess what else! I may get paid to do this! CareFresno is partnering with AmeriCorp; I sadly am not completely understanding the program but it consists of the church investing money into Americorp and then them investing into a leader, that would be me! to learn under CareFresno and minister at the apartments. But, that is ultimately up to my church since their the ones who would be investing the money. A part of me doesn't think they'll do it because we're low on finances right now, but we shall see.

On Sunday morning I'm off to Catalina to study the book of Amos. Five folks from the PH will be there! That should be really fun. And it's just going to be really nice to get away again for a whole week. Away from the computer, cell phone, school, responsibilities and just be able to enjoy nature, friends and time much needed with God. Can't wait.

Oh yea, and my birthday was great. I'm so glad I was able to go up north. I think if I would have stayed in Modesto I would have been sorely disappointed, those folks didn't represent very well at all. Thankfully I got a phone call from Rosanna on the day of and some facebook messages but that's about it. But while up North I think I just really got some lovin that I needed. My mom and I arrived on Fri. night and just talked a little with Papa and Shelley and then went to bed. On Sat. we just chilled in the morning. I went on a short bike ride with papa and Albert, then my mom, Shelley, grandma and I went to a baby shower and that was fun. Then that night got to just enjoy spending time with the family watching a cute Disney film. And then woke up on my birthday to my most favorite breakfast made by Shelley; ham and potato casserole, plus homemade gravy and biscuits! Mmmmm. So delicious. And then had all the folks at church sing Happy Birthday to me and 2 others who had their birthdays near mine...then after church we invited everyone to one of my favorite restaurants in Redding, a Chinese buffet. Lots of people ended up coming with us which was really good. I just love spending time with people. If I could I'd seriouslygather up everybody I care about and have us all live near one another. I got a few gifts; a cute mug from Marilyn, The women of the bible from Carol, some money from Nancy and Dwight, a gift card from Borders from my mama, money from grandma and grandpa and then 2 books and a picture frame from papa and Shelley, plus some amazing cards full of love. It was just a great birthday weekend with the people I truly care about the most (not to say I don't care about people outside of Northern CA, but these folks hold a really special place in my heart).

Okay, well I've rambled on for quite awhile and it's already 1 in the morning. So, i'm off to bed. Goodnight y'all.

Blessings.

I feel like I have to update even though I really don't have the time to really write a good post. But, I am off to the mountains with the ladies from my church. I think it's going to be really good, if not for anything else but just getting away and spending some time in prayer and the Word. I am really going to lay some things down like where God wants me exactly after the Pink House and about my work and school situation, loans, all that good stuff.

Amy and I attended the Bridge last night to hear my boss from ESA speak. Alan Doswald is the amazing, radical, Christ-follower. He's seriously my here-on-Earth hero. He's done soo many exciting and radical things. And something he said last night really affected me. It should be uncommon to see a Christian who doesn't look like Christ and very normal to see Christians who DO look like Christ. I know to the couple of Christians who read this blog that seems kinda silly maybe...but there's soo many people who say they follow Jesus but their lives are no different from the rest of the world. I'll write more on this when I get home from this weekend.

I hope everyone has a very blessed and amazing weekend!

And, it's my first weigh-in on Monday. I must admit that I've been stepping on the scale sometimes after my work out class in the gym so I think it'll be a good amount of weight loss, although I'm a little worried because I know when I go on retreats I eat more snack foods, so I'm going to try to hike a little and burn some calories! :)

Blessing y'all!

I cannot wait till this weekend. It is going to be soo much fun. This is one of the first times I've really looked forward to Valentine's Day, but really it's not the day I'm looking forward to for it's 'significance' as Valentine's Day, but what I get to do on the day. On Friday, all the girls in the pink house are going to T.G.I Fridays. It'll be a late night because Carlanda and I don't give off work till past 11, but it should be a lot of fun to just hang out outside of the house. Then on Saturday night Amy and I are going to dress up and go out to eat. I'm thinking we'll probably go to AppleBees or something similar and then we're going to see the Vagina Monologues. I've heard about the play but I've never gotten to see it and I think it's completely fitting to see it on Valentine's Day!

I have been soo blessed by Amy's friendship. We are so similar that it's a little creepy. And we're still at that stage where one of us will be talking and the other nods in agreement and we once again find something that we share. It's fun. I'm not really sure if I've mentioned how I met her. She lives in my neighborhood, Lowell. She lives with the Skibbies, (daddy Steve, mama Sheilla, little Katie, baby Weston) who are relocators to Lowell. She came from Kentucky as a missionary here. She moved in last summer and began going to Bethany Inner-city church which is just across the street from the PH and she does food ministry on Tuesdays, plus baby-sits the 2 Skibbie kids during the day, Mon-Fri. which means she doesn't have a lot of friends her own age (she's turning 24 in June). It's kind of blurry how we met exactly. I know we met a couple different times. When I helped Steve interpet for the deaf family down the street was probably the official 'first meeting' and then I remember seeing her again at Nate and Esthers but we never really hit it off or anything and then somehow I became her friend on facebook but I'm not sure how exactly because I think I remember talking to her before adding her and then I ended up talking with her at Bethany inner-city church because I went with Esther and we commented that we should hang out soon so I facebook'ed her and we ended up spending almost all day on a Friday together and that was about 3 weeks ago. Since then we've seen each other every weekend and have decided to begin a bible study together. Like she said last night, God is doing something special (and crazy, I added) in us and it's cool that we get to do it together. We'll be studying the book of Genesis since we both have had some background on dealing with women and their role in the church and in relationships. So, I am super excited!!! Yay for new friends.

Also, this coming weekend I will finally get to go home! I haven't seen my mom in over a month which is really long for my mom and I. I think she's really missing me too so I am going to do my best to spend 1-on-1 time with her but unfortunately I am only there for 2 days. I'll be leaving town after Amy and I are finished hangin out and then I'll leave on Monday night. But, better than nothing. And I am getting a little nervous about finally seeing/talking with Rosanna. It is going to be soo weird if Jeff tries to sit with her when I'm there. I think I've decided to just let what happens, happens. If she makes a point of letting him be around then that's fine and if she wants to spend alone time with me then that's okay too. I am going to be talking to Pastor Chuck, as well. I'm really praying he takes this all seriously because I spoke with him on the phone last weekend and commented that I got ditched by Rosanna on-line for Jeff and he laughed and I, very seriously, commented that it wasn't good. So, I'm hoping he understands that this is personal for me and I am really concerned about this whole situation. Things like this really make me wonder if I should have kids because it will kill me to have to watch them make decisions that could hurt them.

I think that's all for now. I have a busy day ahead of me.

Blessings

I have sadly not written in a really long time. I really do want to but I just can't seem to sit down and want to write. But, here it goes.

CCDA was amazing!! I was asked afterwards if the conference fueled my fire for urban ministry or quenched it and it definitely fueled the fire! It was amazing to be around legends; John Perkins who we got to hear from every single morning for bible study and soak in his wisdom and experiences, Shane Claiborne, one of my very favorite authors. I even shook his hand and thanked him for his books, plus I went to his seminar on his new book, "Be the answer to your prayers." Bob Lupton, whose book the PH had to read in the beginning of the year and many many other folks who have intentionally moved in a certain community to love on their neighborhoods. So cool.

But Florida wasn't that amazing. I mean I'm glad I can say I've been there but it was soo humid. I just don't know how people stand it. The day before we left CA it was 50% humidity and I swear it went up while we were there! Ick. And it was funny because it was soo humid outside but we used the transit system a lot and the bus was always soo nice and cool then we come back to CA and had to ride a bus to our car at the airport and it was soo nice and cool outside but hot in the bus. I thought it was funny. But, we did get to go to the ocean while we were in FL so that was really cool. Plus it was at night, so sadly I didn't get to see how crystal clear the water was but it was definitely not as cold as the Pacific. It was great.

I'll talk more abotu specific seminars and all that later. One thing I went into CCDA thinking about and that I talked to Beth before we left was the opportunity to move into the apartments near my church in SouthEast Fresno. Beth told me to pursue it and begin talking to my pastor so I met with him yesterday and it was a great conversation. We've made a plan of including some people from the church and I am writing out a time line of what that's going to look like. I am really excited!! I am going to apply for my masters in urban ministry and it would be amazing to be receiving that while doing ministry in these apartments. After my meeting with Sam I went over to look around the apartments. There's this huge section, sorta L-shaped, just full of apartment buildings. So, I parked my car and walked around and I just knew that this is the place I'm supposed to be. I admit, it's going to be scary. Even in the day light I could tell that there's probably a lot of messed up youth who live around there, lots of broken, divorced families, probably abuse going on in the homes, physically, emotionally and substance. But, I could see Jesus there too. So, please pray for me as I embark on this adventure!

I think that's all for now.

Blessings!

 Man, I don't know what i'm doing up at almost 2 but I just really want to write. So, excuse this late night typing fest. 

I went on a late night bike ride on Thursday. It was soo good. I brought my MP3 player and it was cold! I didn't realize it'd be so cold so all I had on was a t-shirt, shorts and tennis shoes. But once I started riding I just rode faster to work myself harder. I rode for about an hour listening to Derek Webb. Bike riding is such a great way to just blow off some steam, have time to think and just enjoy nature. Beautiful. 

I woke up this morning with my back aching. I hate it that I'm 22 and I can say that I have back pain. Ridiculous. But, alas I do. Right now I have a cold compress on my lower back. I ended up falling asleep on the couch last night so I hope that is the cause of it but we'll see if I'm feeling better in the morning after I sleep in my bed. I sure hope so. 

Last weekend we had InterVarsity's first ever gala. It was a black tie affair so everyone was all dressed up. I ended up wearing my "little black dress." A few people commented on me looking good...but I say it's just because they don't see me dress up very often, especially with a dress, hair all done and make up on...all at the same time. Unfortunately, I left the thingie that I use to import my pictures from my camera onto my computer up north so once I get it back then I'll post pictures from the night. Who can say a night dancing the Macarena, isn't fun?!

Last weekend was also my church in Modesto's associational meeting. It went alright but the highlight for me was Saturday during lunch. I sat by one of the elders of our sister church. His name is Roger and my mom has known him since she was in her 20s. They played volleyball together on a church team. He's in his early 50s I believe. He used to call me sis all the time and once I asked my mom why he didn't call me Bethany and she said it was because he couldn't remember my name. Anyways, in the past few years he's been having heart problems and actually had bypass surgery, but I got to hear his full testimony that afternoon and it was just soo good. And I realized how good it is for the person who's telling you something. Both people get soo much out of actually sitting down and really talking and caring about what each other are saying.  I can't even remember all the details of the testimony and really, it doesn't matter. It was just really good when we stood up and I thanked him for sharing all that with me and he said, "no, thank you for caring enough to listen." And, of course the big hug helped :)

My brothers birthday is coming up. And I mean my 15 year old brother, Josh. I decided on buying a card and sending it to him. Do you realize how hard it is to find a birthday card for a brother who you've never met and who probably doesn't even consider you a sister? I really want him to know how much I care about him and want a real relationship with him but I also keep reminding myself that he's a 15 year old guy. I never settled on a card. I'm thinking about just making one myself. Maybe that'll even mean more to him. I just wish I knew him better...Dang, I wish I could just meet him...and my dad. In July, the day after father's day it'll be a  year since my dad and I have started talking...and we still haven't met... and that's by no fault of my own! I want to meet him. I'd go into debt to get to see him. I still don't understand why he hasn't tried harder...and I know if I brought it up he'd have "good" excuses. It just hurts.

Alright, I seriously need to get to bed.

Blessings.

Thank God it's Thursday afternoon! I got both of my huge assignments out of the way that I was stressing about and I feel soo good! I think I did alright on both of them, not overly confident but I feel like you shouldn't be able to be confident about assignments when you do them the night before they're due.

I get to go home tonight which will be nice. My mom said last weekend that I can't do anything when I come home so I'm really going to try to take her request and live it out. I just want to do some sleeping, read, maybe work on my 2 papers for social work (both are only 3-5 pages each) and my church in Modesto is having their associational meeting so I'm going to go to that, as well. That will be really nice because I seriously haven't seen any of the church folks in way over a month or more. Sadly, my deacon's wife's mom passed away on Tuesday. Her name was Evelyn. I'm kinda surprised I'm not more upset about it. She was a super sweet lady. She always sat in the back of the church with her family and would always give me a nice, tight hug on Sundays and when I wasn't there she'd ask about me. I guess thinking about it is making me feel a bit more sad about it. I won't be able to go to the funeral but my mom had a good idea that I think we're going to do. I'll write a nice letter to Mary (Evelyn's daughter, my deacon's wife) and we'll buy a really pretty potted plant. She was over 80 and I know she's home now with Jesus so I think that's another reason why I'm not really sad. I think I've really come a long way dealing with death.

Next week is dead days and then finals. Crazy. All I have to do next week is those social work papers and then start studying for my finals. Thankfully nothing else is due so that's a huge relief. Oh yea, on Saturday I'm coming back to Fresno for InterVarsity's very first gala. We're holding it in a church near campus and it's a black tie affair. I'll definitely post some pictures of the evening. It should be fun. We're all bringing desserts and honoring the seniors who will be leaving us (and some of them who aren't, like me) and the staff who are leaving, plus praying over the new leadership team for next year. So, it should be a lot of fun!

I think that's all I've got to say for now. Tonight is our last servant team meeting and we get to have Las Coronas for dinner...YAY for Mexican food! :)

Blessings

 Okay...so back-tracking a little in this entry...all the way to Friday...before my outburst of upsetted-ness...

I got to go to an Indian concert! Soo GOOD! When I say Indian I mean Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, etc. We have an International student movement through IV on campus. They have different staff and sometimes we get to come together when we go to conferences but they're really their own thing but we were all invited to this concert they planned for their Indian students. The group is called Aradhna and they decided to come early in the afternoon to meet with some christians to talk about how to reach out to Indians. I kinda thought it would only be IV students but instead there were some Indian adults and 1 student and some other folks from different programs around town that reach out specifically to Indians, like giving free English lessons.

Anyways, the group is made up of 2 guys, and then one of their wives. They've all had connections with India, all three living there for long periods of time and their music is from the roots of Indian music, but with christian lyrics. They shared one song with us and then we spent the next hour and a half or so learning about how to love and reach our Indian friends. And I just continue to realize the importance of friendship evangelism. Some people will come to know God because someone asked them if they wanted to know about Jesus but most people are only going to try out Jesus if they see you living it out, as well as talking about it. 

Then that night we all went over to the engineering building and when they first started we didn't have a whole lot of people but by the intermission we had a full house! It was soo good! And at the meeting earlier I made a new friend, she's super sweet, an older lady and she runs an english learning center for Indians, she herself being a convert from Sikhism. So, I hope to get to know her better!

And then on Saturday, Noemi and I took our first bike ride! We rode to the park and back, we went about 26 miles. We were tired afterwards but we've decided to ride at least once a week together so I'm excited. And then later that day Rosie showed up!!

I took her to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in downtown Fresno and then ended up at a Starbucks till about 11 o'clock when they closed and didn't end up falling asleep till 1, just catching up on everything. And then she got to go to my church for their special 2 year anniversary. We had 2 services for the very first time and we had 2 baptisms. During the second service I helped with the 3rd-5th graders and after church we had a big BBQ. I'm still feeling very much like a new-comer but I hope over the summer to begin some real relationships.

Then we spent the afternoon at Teazers, the world Tea market that I've fallen in love with and she left around 4.30. But it was soo good to get to see her and spend some time with her, especially since her grandma is dying and she really just needed to get away from all that and her job. Plus, she made me a really cool frame that she painted with words that describe our relationship; friends, life coach (inside joke), sisters, listeners, Daughters of God, pals, talkers, buddies. And inside is pictures of her and I.

So, that was my weekend in a nut shell. Monday I gave a group presentation on immigration and tomorrow I'm giving another group presentation on a speech sound. I'm really trying to end the semester strong, but it's a lot harder than it sounds!

Blessings!

My dinner with the pastor and his family in town went soo good!! I am super excited. I got there a little late because I didn't realize it was raining so hard and I'd never been there but I finally found there place and this was actually the first time I formally met his wife, her name is Annette and she's super sweet. She's pregnant which is exciting because if I end up working at the church then I get to be a part of the new babies life. They also have a little girl who's 3, Nairay and a 1 year old named Elijah. They are soo cute. Elijah wasn't feeling well so he was hesitant to get to know me but Nairay is full of energy and spunk and talks about a mile a minute so I got to hear all about how she's going to feed the new baby and about pre-school. They were fun. 

But once they finally headed to bed we brought out a game called Ticket To Ride  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ticket_to_Ride_(board_game) Just check out the link to find out more and if anyone is thinking about buying me something this game kicks it! Anyways, we got to have "adult" conversation once we started playing. I asked about the church and some of the logistics...like since their Mennonite Brethren what that means pertaining to women in ministry, alcohol, theology. All the fun stuff. Then I finally just got down to it and was like so if I wanted to come on board what would you want me to do. And I seriously think I took Sam off guard. I don't think they realized that I really do want to join the ministry at their church, The Grove. So, we talked about what options I had in ministry...which is almost everything. They even invited me to a woman's conference they're having next weekend which unfortunately I won't be able to go to but I thought it was sweet that they invited me. Of course, they told me to keep praying about it and that they'd love for me to join them but it was my decision. I am definitely going to continue praying about it but I can't deny this strong urge to go there. 

And then today I am leaving for Bakersfield to attend a conference with InterVarsity. It's our winter conference. We have three different tracks; your identity in Jesus, leadership, and justice. I've actually never been to winter con. but thankfully I'm a senior and my staff said I could go to leadership. I really wanted to go to the justice track of course but leadership would have been my 2nd choice. It should be good and I'm expecting some good words from God. Despite being really excited about The Grove I'm also really scared because if I decide to commit to this church that means I won't be going home all the time and I know that not only will my mom be sad when I don't come home for weeks at a time but Rosie (and my other really good friends) will be sad too. Especially since Rosie is supposed to be leaving by April for Bulgaria and she'll be gone for 2 years! So, I feel like I have to take that into consideration too. Prayers are appreciated.

Have a great weekend everybody and I'll let you all know how the conference went when I get back!!

Blessings

 I am super excited today because my very good friends from up north are coming to visit me. They are actually coming to Fresno to attend some seminar on marriage and love or whatever but since I'm here they're coming early to see me :) Paul is my pastor and his wife Shelley, they're amazing people and some of my very best friends. Yesterday was so strange and ugh that I'm really excited about their visit and I think I just need to talk and they're great listeners. Especially since the past two days has been kinda weird between my friend Candy and I. I don't know exactly why but yea, so I'm just really happy my friends are coming.

And, thankfully my dad and I talked last night. We didn't really talk for very long but it was just good to hear his voice. Since our big, strange dilemma it seems like we haven't really talked very often or for very long. I know he's working a lot and I have seriously been so busy that it just doesn't seem like I can sit down and call him to actually talk for a significant amount of time. But it seemed like he wanted to talk so perhaps this weekend I'll be able to get some time to call him and catch him up on everything. It's usually me doing all the talking during our conversations but I'm okay with that, as long as he's there and listening. 

I listen to country music and I really don't know why because sometimes I really despise the topics they sing about; like drinking because your girlfriend left you or the fact that you've got some woman in your sink with nothing on but a cowboy hat. I mean come on, that's ridiculous. Yet, I still listen to it and I can admit that there are some really great country music songs out there that aren't all about women and drinking. So, back onto the subject at hand; there's this newer song called "stealing cinderella" http://youtube.com/watch?v=HtOy8R01fTA    It makes me sad and frustrated every single time I listen to it and just today did I hear the end of it because usually I turn the station once I realize what song it is but today I turned it on as the song was ending. You see, the reason it makes me frustrated/sad is because I'll never have that. My dad decided not to come after me when I was 3 and my parents divorced. He allowed my mom to take me a few hundred thousand miles away and never decided that he wanted to get to know his first (and only) daughter. So, because of that I never got to dance with him, never had the opportunity to play with him as I grew up. He didn't get to meet my first boyfriend and have the "you'd better take care of her and get her home by 9" talk. It might sound after reading all that that I'm angry at him and maybe even hate him. But I don't.  I've actually completely forgiven him and he still asks why and how I've done that. But, the thing I'm getting at here is that that song just really makes me sad that I've missed out on all that and that country music doesn't help to make me feel any better. I've come to realize that country music really paints this great picture of what love and relationships are all about but it isn't real. Not all dads act like the men represented in county music and life isn't all about whiskey and women, either. But, obviously we like it or it wouldn't still be around. 

Anyways, I'm observing lent this year. I was having dinner with some friends in the beginning of the week and I asked my friend Noemi if she were observing lent and she said she was. I know I've heard of Lent and I've got a friend who tries to observe it every year but I was a little confused about the complete meaning. Like, I realize that our catholic friends observe Lent and it's a time to draw closer to God by sacrificing something but I thought it was interesting that my friend also brought up that it's also a time to take something to the cross. For instance, I'm abstaining from the consumptioin of soda and my friend (and I agree) thinks that lent is a time to consciously not do something. So, when I walk into the cafeteria and see the soda machine and get that craving for a glass that's the time to take it to the cross and ask Jesus for strength. I think I knew that but I just thought it was important to remember that this is an important thing, lent isn't just a time to lose some weight by not eating or drinking something but is a serious time to draw closer to God. So, no soda for 40 days and 40 nights. Prayer would be appreciated.

Ok, I think that's enough for now. My friends should be here soon. 

Blessings!

So tomorrow...or today, rather will be my first day at The Grove. I'm really excited but I'm also pretty nervous. I'm nervous because this will be the first time that I'll be going to a church where I won't know anyone, besides the pastor and his family. I just realize that this is going to be my home and I'm sure everyone will be nice and all but still, it's a little nerve wracking. But despite that, I'm really excited. I haven't actually heard Sam preach a sermon yet so I'm looking forward to that and it'll just be great to see them again. I'm a little bummed though I'm finally going to the church this Sunday and then I'm going to have to tell them that I won't see them for the next 3 Sundays! Next Sunday I'll be leaving for Catalina...the Sunday after that is Easter and I'm going home and then the following Sunday is my birthday weekend and I'm headed up North with my mom to spend my birthday with our family up there! 
But I am soo super excited about that because I haven't been up there for over 3 months now! So, it'll be soo fun and I've been promised a good long motorcycle ride so I'm thrilled! :) 
And then last night my dad and I had a good long talk and he brought up my birthday and asked what I wanted (this will be the first birthday gift I've gotten from him in 18 years) so I think he'll be sending me a gift card to a bookstore, what more could I want?! :) 
I still think my mom is trying to process the fact that I'm not at home. She called me Friday afternoon and asked, "Since you're not coming home, what are you doing this weekend?" Her way of guilting me a little but still being nice. And she's called me several times in the last couple of days, acting like she's got to ask me something but really I think she just wanted to talk with me. I don't think she realizes that she'll be seeing me for the next 3 Sundays in a row. But April is really going to be hard on her, that's when she'll really have to realize that I'm not coming home so often. But, please just continue to pray for her...and me. So far this has been great and I got to spend most of the weekend with my friend Roxie but I know there'll be some weekends where I'll be more alone and will be confronted with the fact that I'm not going home. 

Okay, I'd better get to bed so I'll be ready for church in the mornin! :)